The Robbery Suspect Who Put Stolen Cash In Dollar Sign Sack Is The World’s Most Basic Criminal

If you type “World’s Most Basic Criminal” into Google, you’ll probably be presented with David Lingafelter’s mugshot.

Lingafelter, 22, was arrested on Wednesday in Olympia, Washington after walking into a Subway and telling employees not to “do anything funny” before he stuffed the cash from the register in a sack emblazoned with a “$” logo. 

According to the City of Olympia:

“The suspect told the employee not to “do anything funny” and reached into his pocket as if he had a weapon. He ordered the employee to open the cash register and put her hands on her head. He took the cash and fled the store, taking a blue shopping cart with him. After calling 911, the employee realized her phone was also missing.”

Police indicated that the sack of money was tied to the front of the suspects pants.

It seems that David wanted to be viewed as a criminal more than he actually wanted to be a one. I’m actually surprised that the he didn’t jump into a cartoon and start chasing down a roadrunner. Or at the very least yell “Say hello to my lil friend!” before pulling a squirt gun out of his waistband.

Somewhere in a Washington jail cell, David is doing pushups and getting really into poetry.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.