This Guy Thinks He’s A Vampire, Drinks His Girlfriend’s Blood, And I Think I’m Done Leaving My House

How these two crazy kids found each other is anyone’s guess (actually, no it’s not, they met at a Vampire Ball in Texas), but I’ll be damned if they aren’t a match made in freakshow heaven. One likes to drink blood, the other has blood to drink, and I’m sitting here wondering if I belong in society anymore.

Michael Vachmiel is a 43-year-old, self-proclaimed vampire who looks like small town illusionist and he likes to drink the blood of his girlfriend 28-year-old girlfriend Blut Katzchen, who considers herself a “black swan.” If you’re unfamiliar with what a “black swan” is, it’s someone who donates their blood to vampires. You cannot make this shit up.

Unlike actual vampires, the process isn’t very carnal. Since Vachmiel is a poor man’s excuse for a vampire and lacks fangs, he and Katzchen have to use serialized tools to cut her open so the blood can be drawn. Still, the pair insists the whole process is sexual as fuck.