This Next Generation Pleasure-Enhancing Condom May Actually Convince Me To Start Wearing One

It’s shameful how little progress we as a society have made in condom technology. The only way to avoid an STD is to avoid the doctors office or put a rubber jacket over your willy. And I’ve heard that this is far less enjoyable than sex without one.

But condom companies are relentless with unveiling “newer,” “better” products constantly: extra pleasure, extra lubrication. How about extra two inches? Maybe then you’ll have my attention.

But the days of dreading condom-use could soon be over, thanks to scientists at the University of Wollongong in Australia who are working on developing a condom that replaces that thick latex cockblock with a tough hydrogel. The hydrogel will still protect against pregnancy and STDs but allow for MUCH MORE pleasure.

Doctor Robert Gorkin vouched for the next-generation technology:

“We’ll be able to look at brain activity to see whether it really feels better than latex. If you make them so pleasurable that people can’t wait to put them on, then more people will use them, and we can hopefully stop the spread of disease. It’s as simple as that.”

The technology is in the early stages of development but the condom looks to be thinner than Manu Ginobili’s hairline. And thin condoms are good condoms.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.