SHOTS FIRED: Two-Year-Old Has Some Choice Words For A Monkey At The Safari

WOO! Kid comin’ in HOT! There are two types of toddlers in this world: toddlers who shit their pants and spit up Cheerios and toddlers who get high and drop a “fuck off” to a cute animal on a safari. And this savage is definitely packing a little nug in the elastic waistband of his diaper. His parents probably thought taking little Tommy on a safari would be good for him considering he just got out of rehab and all, but this dude would much rather see the bottom of a pint glass than some lame ass monkey. Cool, monkeys exist! Pass that fucking joint, dad.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.