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Bad news today if you were hoping to not learn that you accidentally committed acts of cannibalism at a barbecue this summer. You shouldn’t have clicked this link.
You’re here, though, and you should know that hot dogs have been found to have human DNA. Lots of it. That could mean anything: spit, shit, mucus, cum, hair, blood, flesh. Or, all of it, collected in a bucket by factory workers over the course of a month (Jim’s the cum guy, he loves cumming at work, while Martin always hocks a loogie when he’s walking past), before dumping the whole thing — filled to the brim with the nasty, viscous, lugubrious plasmas and miasmas of human bodies — into a mixing bowl with 50 pounds of ground pork and a secret blend of seasonings.
Probably turmeric.
Yum. Hot dogs. A study by ClearFood, who perform genetic tests on food, found a gross amount of misrepresentation among hot dog brands.
Pork free-dogs were full of pig meat. All beef franks were not all beef, and veggie dogs were stuffed with all sorts of animal goodness.
But pffft, whatever. Bro wants an all beef dog and he gets some pork with it he ain’t gonna be upset. No, it’s the people that should bother you.
Even grosser: 2 percent of all samples were found to have traces of human DNA in them. Veggie dogs were the worst off, accounting for 67 percent of the hygiene issues and two-thirds of the human DNA found.
Tempeh is actually just a log of doo doo. And hot dogs are human sticks. Eat up.