Jesus, Mike. Being married and being on Tinder is like tattooing a ‘For Sale’ sign on your hog and hoping your wife doesn’t see it. Actually I heard when you’re married your wife doesn’t go down on you anymore anyway so bump ‘having a Tinder profile’ to #1 on the stupidest thing a married man can do. The only explanation would be that Mike simply can’t afford a prostitute, because if he could, he wouldn’t have to solicit himself to every girl within a 30 mile radius like a rookie. Another case of poor people getting screwed over. Sad. And just a quick tip for ya Mike, since, ya know, you seem to need it. If you’re going to try to dog your wife and kids by fucking strangers on an app, throw a passcode on your phone. I honestly can’t believe I’m telling a grown man this. It’s Cheating 101. Button it up, Mike. Be better.
[h/t Some eCards]