Bros, Forensic Evidence Suggests That Shakespeare Was A Weed Smoker, So Thou Hath Another Reason To Blaze

by 4 years ago
Newly Identified Portrait Of William Shakespeare Is Unveiled

Getty Image / Photo by Oli Scarff/Getty Images

I finally have an explanation why I could only understand 16 words in Macbeth: because ol’ Billy Shakespeare over here was rip-roaring stoned and just making up words.

New SCIENTIFIC (science don’t lie, bros) evidence suggests that William Shakespeare was a degenerate stoner.

A report published in the Independent claims that state-of-the-art forensic technology from South Africa has been used to distinguish what was smoked in tobacco pipes found in the Stratford-upon-Avon garden of 17th-century playwright William Shakespeare.

The results make me forgive him wholeheartedly for causing me so much frustration in high school.

There was unquestionable evidence for the smoking of coca leaves in early 17th century England, based on chemical evidence from two pipes in the Stratford-upon-Avon area.

Independent also suggested that Shakespeare very well could have been speaking about the ganja in the famed Sonnet 76, when he mentions the “invention in a noted weed,” which may be referencing using that sticky shit for creative some creative writing shit.

What’s even more interesting is that Willy Shakes wasn’t even the biggest druggie in his neighborhood. Other pipes from the same time period were recovered from Shakespeare’s neighborhood and indicate that some dudes were getting high off that nose candy.

Results of this study (including 24 pipe fragments) indicated cannabis in eight samples, nicotine in at least one sample, and in two samples definite evidence for Peruvian cocaine from coca leaves.

How fucking amazing would it be to get silly stoned with Shakespeare? What kind of stoner would he be? Would he be that diabolical paranoid asshole who ruins everyone’s high or would be the dude who drives his horse-and-buggy backwards through the Mickey D’s drive-thru just to fuck with the employees?

If I know Billy Shakes like I think I know Billy Shakes, he’s a giggler. I imagine he’d get lifted with his boys and they’d tell him his shitty poems sucked donkey balls, and then Shakespeare, cool as a cucumber, would whip out his 17-century iPhone and show them all the nudies chick sent him for wooing them with his genius. I’m talking ELITE class type broads, snap chatting their 17th-century titties. Fuck man, I was born in the wrong time period.

Pass that shit, bro. It’s not all about you.

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[h/t Complex]

TAGSstonersWeedwilliam Shakespeare