In my 31 years of living on this planet, and being sexual active for the last 14 of them, I have learned that there are precious few things which can cause a woman to orgasm.
1. Some combination of a man’s fingers, tongue and penis
2. Some combination of a woman’s fingers and tongue
3. Toys specifically designed to aid in female masturbation such as vibrators.
That’s about it. Sure, there are always odd happenstances and anomalies, instances where riding a horse or being in close proximity to David Beckham causes a woman to spontaneously orgasm. But that is rare.
One thing I’m certain everyone is aware of is that pants can’t make a female come (they could for a male, but that’s a totally different story on boner rubbing). I think we all agree on this.
With that in mind, knowledge I will comfortable state all of humankind possesses, watch this ad for Kushyfoot. (Note: This is an ad for their shoe inserts, but their marketing for their pants were in a similar vein (I think)).
If you saw that ad, but for Kushyfoot Shaping Tights, would you think all that moaning was indicative of the pants ability to get you off? Probably not. Well, you are not Meng Wang of Queens, who is suing because she didn’t orgasm from the pants.
Here’s her complaint, via Gothamist.
Another advertising resource on the Kushyfoot® website is a commercial for the Products that has been suggestively named “Super Satisfied” and features an attractive and confident young woman walking through a neighborhood in a dramatic and sultry fashion. As she makes her way through the streets, she moans and utters highly sexually charged phrases to herself, including “That’s the spot” and “So good,” as a song with the lyrics “I feel super satisfied, super satisfied” plays in the background to further the sexual angle of the advertisement. Her assertive stride and relaxed air are literally show-stopping, causing male and female passersby alike to stop in their tracks to look at her with their mouths agape.
Plaintiff WANG relied on the commercial and believed in the effectiveness and comfort of the Products. To her disappointment she found that the Purchased Products did not even feel different from her regular socks and tights.
In other words, them pants don’t make that coochie growl.
She is seeking unspecified damages from Kushyfoot’s parent company Gildan Outerwear.