One of the cardinal rules of life is ‘you do NOT steal from a coworker,’ especially when it comes to food. If you’ve ever stolen food from a coworker, you’re an asshole. There’s no wiggle room here, you’re just an asshole. And if you’ve ever had your food stolen by a co-worker (or anyone), you’re going to LOVE this story of revenge.
Here we’ve got a man who loves to make lunch for his lovely wife. From his story it seems that he takes pleasure in cooking for his wife, and sending her off each day with delicious lunches. So when he found out that her lunch was getting jacked every few days he was justified in being pissed off, and wanting revenge. But how does one get revenge on a faceless thief?
In this instance he devises a plan so fiery that it’ll make your butthole burn just imagining the spice! He makes a food using one of the spiciest hot sauces known to man, and reigns fiery hell down upon the workplace thief…all in one of the most hilarious ways possible:
From (reddit user) ‘Toasted Chillies’:
So I’m a bit of a chilli head. Love my hot sauces. I also love to cook. I also cook my wife a delicious lunch each day, She kept complaining that someone was stealing her lunch every couple of days out of the fridge at work. So I made her some buffalo wings for lunch to put in the fridge, They are really popular with her colleagues But I spiced them up just a little with some Blair’s 4am Reserve.
Now if you’re not familiar with Blair’s 4am Reserve, know that it is one of the HOTTEST sauces in the world. Some rate it as THE HOTTEST sauce in existence. It’s also quite rare, so the fact that this man was able to procure some for revenge wings is quite extraordinary.
To really contextualize how hot Blair’s 6am Reserve is you must first know that hot sauce is measured in ‘Scoville Units’. Where Tabasco sauce registers 2,140 Scoville Units, Blair’s 4am Reserve comes in a a ridiculous 16 MILLION Scoville Units, making it approximately 7,476 times MORE SPICY than Tabasco. Now let’s get back to the story:
(I note you are meant to dilute it with 1 drop per 5 litres of liquid). So I added a couple of drops of Blairs 4am Reserve per wing with nice dusting of Ghost chilli powder for good measure. I did eat a couple to make sure it didn’t kill anybody, they were real hot. Even cream doesn’t cut the heat: and Ghost chillies keep getting hotter for about 5 minutes. Needless to say just before lunch, there was a shrill from the kitchen, a young male colleague decided to help himself the my wife’s lunch which was clearly marked with her name. He ran to the toilet and vomited over and over. Apparently the moans sounded like he was dying. My wife just sat there innocently pretending nothing was wrong. Needless to say she has not lost a single lunch since.
Boom, roasted! If that’s not a life ruining punishment I don’t know what is.
So this workplace lunch thief is writhing in pain in the kitchen, completely unable to gain relief from milk or cream, and also screaming torturous screams alerting the entire office that they just jacked someone’s food and are paying the price for it. I’m all for imaginative workplace justice, and this is the very definition of that.
If you’re still interested in the Blair’s 4am Reserve Hot Sauce even after reading all that, you can check out their Wiki page here, or check out this video of some poor soul nearly dying from the excruciating hot sauce: