These Are The Absolute WORST Tips For First Dates, So 1) Read These 2) Do The Exact Opposite 3) Get Laid
I’d like to say that the best tip anyone can ever give you for having a successful first date is ‘be yourself’, but I’ve met some pretty awful people in this world and for those douchebags ‘be yourself’ might actually be the worst piece of advice. That’s why I was pretty intrigued by this thread of ‘worst first date tips’, where people essentially shared the exact opposite of what conventional wisdom dictates you should do on a first date.
Why’s this information useful? Well, maybe it’s just me but I happen to remember things better when people tell me what not to do, instead of telling me the things I should be doing. So with the ‘worst first date tips ever’ below here’s what you do: 1) read them all, 2) take notes/bookmark this post, 3) do the EXACT OPPOSITE of whatever’s suggested below, and 4) you get laid because you successfully navigated you first date.
Again, you do the exact opposite of this, you go upstairs, it’s not about coffee at all:
When she invites you up for coffee at midnight, respectfully decline stating that coffee keeps you up.
Don’t be messing around with any electronics at all, your phone stays in your pocket:
Wear a GoPro and explain that it’s so you can learn from experience on your next first date
Don’t even say you ‘love’ the food, the bar, whatever it is you’re doing. Keep that word out of your goddamn mouth.
Declare your love for them as soon as possible so they know you’re serious about the relationship.
If you want to compliment her on anything make mention of her style (clothes, hair, jewelry, whatever), don’t comment on physique on the first date unless that date happens to be at a Spin class or something of the like.
Tell her she has birthing hips.
It hurts my head that anyone was able to even come up with this one…I can’t help but wonder where they got the inspiration for this…
Wear a t-shirt with your mom’s face on it, and look down and consult it in whispers from time to time.
Show up drunk. Helps with the nerves.
Just like the job interview scene from Step Brothers…Two dues, both wearing tuxedos
Bring a partner with you
I went on a first date in high school (my first real date).
I got jazzed up in black dockers and a shiny grey dressy t-shirt – best way I can describe it.
My nipples showed through the shirt, so I decided to wear an undershirt. But my undershirt was too big, and you could see it passed the sleeves on the shirt and also the neckline (i did not have a wife beater). I did what any sane person would do and I cut the shirt up so it was basically a shell of an undershirt just covering my nipples. It was uncomfortable.
Date got hot and heavy and she ended up taking off my shirt and seeing this monstrosity underneath it. She quickly put on the brakes and we never dated again.
So, do that.
Everyone knows the order goes: selfie, belly button, nipple, dick…You don’t start with dick pix.
Show them your compilation of dick pics, and ask them to which one is their favourite, so they can take it home, all printed and neat.
Talk about how you just bought a new axe too…
Don’t beat around the bush; tell them exactly what you want to do to their bodies. Be descriptive about it, the more detail the better.
I’m lost on this one.
Offer her a egg you found under a bridge.
This one’s probably a panty drencher.
Write her a poem. To help get you started, here are some things that rhyme with “I love you”: blue, shoe, canoe, beef stew, and kung fu.
Everyone knows you go Mr. Garrison.
Start doing impersonations of Cartman.
One fedora per group.
Wear a fedora. Always refer to her as m’lady. Shave your beard on your face if you’re not lucky enough to have it only grow on your neck. And don’t forget your cane sword.
Here’s two that actually happened to me:
1) when I suggest meeting you at the venue, demand instead to pick me up for our blind date at my home.
2) literally show me a slide show of your romantic European vacation with your recent ex.
And last but not least…
Order a milk steak boiled over-hard, with a side of jelly beans.
You bros got anything to add? Hit me up down below! And to keep reading more of these you can follow any of the links above and head on over to AskReddit!