An Entire Town (Which Used To Be A Spy Base) Is For Sale So You Can Finally Start That Cult You’ve Been Talking About

Everyone looks forward to having their own little slice of Heaven. You can set up a spot for your family, buy a couple of horses, build the most lavish bangshack for your side piece imaginable or even start a cult. Listen, cult’s are coming back into style. You have the Duggars, Beliebers and that dude on TLC who has four wives and lives in Vegas. Also, cultists fuck. And not like “yeah I’m not a virgin anymore” fuck. They fuck. Just look at the OG cultists. Jim Jones. David Koresh. Charles Manson. Sure, they may have mentally destabilized said women before sleeping with them but no one’s going to know that unless they talk. And no one talks in cults. It’s like Fight Club, but with more pussy.

Anyway, you can’t have a cult unless you have a spot for everyone to live. You can’t have you followers living all over town. That’s called having friends, not followers. You need your people living essentially under one roof/compound. That’s Cult 101. So, for those of you need to start that cult but don’t know where to start, I’ve got a surprise for you.

Via Yahoo:

“An entire town, which was once part of the National Security Agency’s massive surveillance operation, includes 80 single-family homes, a fire station, a swimming pool and a bowling alley in picturesque rural West Virginia, is up for auction with bids starting at $1 million.

A former naval base that hosted super-secret NSA surveillance activities, Sugar Grove Station was retired last fall and is now being auctioned off by the U.S. General Services Administration. Bidding requires a $100,000 deposit and opened in February, but no bids have yet been entered. The facility held its second open house Thursday.

The town, according to the GSA, Sugar Grove Station includes more than 120 acres of “lovely tree-lined streets” with several large buildings, a water tower, a youth day care center, basketball, tennis and racquetball courts, a football field and a “community center, with fireplace, configured to function as a restaurant/club with a bar area,” all contained within a fenced-in “self-sustaining community.” It’s the perfect facility for a new summer camp. Or a cult.”

Boom. #CultLife. A self-sustaining community? What else do you need? Here’s your answer: literally nothing. That’s the beauty of it. No one has to leave. Or can leave. The least successful cults are always the ones that have an open door policy. Fuck that noise. If you got people walking into your cult, they live there now. You own them. So go ahead, bros. Pool your money in the comments. Get this cult started. I’ll join. It’ll be like summer camp, but with satanism.

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