Hide The Women And Children, What A-Rod Does To His Bat Is Possibly Sexually Explicit

The New York Yankees are an abysmal 8-15 and dead last in the A.L. East. So nobody cares about the Yankees right now. But don’t worry because in comes Alex Rodriguez doing weird shit to garner attention.

On Sunday night, the Yanks were taking on the Boston Red Sox at Fenway Park when it started to rain. There’s fucking A-Rod. Fucking A-Rod. This dude can’t just be normal. A-Rod’s bat was wet so instead of getting a towel or wiping his bat dry in his armpit, dude fucked his bat dry. He wasn’t able to make love to himself at that moment, so he made sweet, sweet love to his baseball bat.

“Yeah, you like that don’t you. Take that you dirty Louisville Slugger,” A-Rod probably.

I’ll be monitoring the police blotters in Boston all day to see when this unfortunate bat pressed charges against Rodriguez.