Antonio Brown Shatters Any Chance Of Re-Signing With The Patriots After Sharing IG Post Ripping Robert Kraft And Mocking Spa Visits

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If there was any dormant hope Patriots fans had of re-signing Antonio Brown to remedy an offense that is more flaccid than a penis in the presence of meatspin.com (RIP), Antonio Brown just crushed that dream with the force of hotel furniture from a 14th story balcony.

The former NFL receiver and current professional self-sabotager is seemingly incapable of committing to a disciplined path to return to the NFL, and proved as much during Sunday night’s Patriots vs. Texans game.

After the Patriots offense struggled mightily in the 28-22 loss to the Texans on Sunday Night Football, Brown posted a funny, innocent video of featuring his limited highlight reel in a Patriots uniform with Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” dubbed over it.

AB’s tone became much darker after he shared an Instagram story from the Patriots fan account Gillette Nation that questioned Robert Kraft’s willingness to win, urged him to swallow his pride, and delivered a wild accusation about fingers-in-butts.

Keep in mind, we are just days removed from CBS Sports reporter Jason La Canfora claiming that several Patriots coaches and players would welcome AB back if the team chose to bring him in. The chances the Pats would re-sign him are slimmer than my wallet after a trip to Lululemon with the wife, but still, ‘acting as if’ is the obvious course of action.

Instead, AB decided to demonstrate that he’s the best candidate for the job by giving the world a visual of two fingers being probed up the ass of a 78-year-old man.

You can’t spell ‘bonehead’ without AB.

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.