Bad Pass Knocks High School Referee’s Toupee Clean Off His Head


I gotta imagine that if you’re a guy who goes through the trouble of getting fitted for a toupee, then purchases one, then glues that shit to your melon, then goes on living a permanent lie, you’re probably pretty self-conscious of your bald spot. A toupee is the grown man’s version of wearing a t-shirt in the pool. Sure, you can wear one, but you’re only highlighting the reality, not hiding it. I mean, I don’t wear a bathing suit in my gym’s locker room because I have a baby arm below my waist. I do it for some misguided sense of self-preservation. Leave me alone.

Given the deep insecurities that drive a man to purchase a head rug, you can guess how humiliating it would be for the bad boy to pop off in a front of a large group of people. Ladies and gentleman, I present to you this Kentucky high school basketball ref.

I mean, re-attaching a hairpiece after you’ve already exposed yourself is like putting your underwear back on after you’ve shit yourself. Throw those undies on the flagpole and let that tootsie roll hang loose. Actually, only do that if you have interest in telling your neighbors you’re a sex offender. I don’t know how I started talking about pendulum penises, but um, yeah, that dude should have kept kicked that wig to the side and put away his schlong.

[h/t CBS Sports]

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.