Bill Belichick Flashes Rare Smile In Newly-Released Subway Commercial

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Gotta admit, I’m disappointed in my idol.

Of all the American businesses Bill Belichick could shill for, he chose the one whose chicken smells of pungent farts and who championed a pedo for a decade simply because he got slightly less fat.

Subway is trash, and I’m astounded they secured the greatest coach of all-time to peddle their footlongs 11-inch subs.

“I haven’t ever done anything like that,” Belichick said earlier this summer. “It was a fun commercial to do. And everybody loves sandwiches, so hopefully, they will be OK with it. I know I’m going to get killed in the rookie shows on this. I know that’s going to happen, but I’ll just have to swallow it.”

Ok, Subway. B+.

I’m not sure Subway utilized Belichick’s underrated comedic chops well enough.

Let’s remember that when Patriots center David Andrews was asked to describe Belichick with one word, he repied “funny.”

“You just don’t realize he’s got such a dry sense of humor,” the six-year veteran said. “And he’s so dry and so serious all the time. He just says some funny stuff. Watch some of his press conferences, and sometimes he just says it like he’s mad but he’s being funny. And you have to know how to pick it up. In my rookie year in a meeting he might say something and I’m like ‘Can I laugh at this? Is this okay?’ It’s funny.”

Further proof of this is Belichick recounting a story about his days coaching Lawrence Taylor. Hilarious. The 2:28 mark in the video below.

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.