Stop Bullying Ben Simmons With The Olympic Robot’s Smooth Stroke

THOMAS COEX/AFP via Getty Images

If there’s a silver lining in USA’s first Olympic loss since 2004 on Sunday, it’s that AI may eliminate the human species before we have to witness Iran taking us into double OT.

At halftime of the United States’ 83-76 loss to France, Olympic organizers trotted out The Shape of Water beast to demonstrate to America how to make a shot in international ball without relying on the refs to bail you out.

The hoopin’ robot’s name is CUE, a Toyota-developed creation that was first built in 2018 and upgraded to reflect the evolution of AI technology.

It’s amazing how the internet can turn some good clean fun into a targeted bully campaign against a guy at his wits end.

I would take to Twitter to stick up for Ben Simmons, but he’s from Australia, so this is not my sword to die on, mate.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.