Los Angeles Rams defensive end—which is still weird as fuck to type out—recently made headlines after he posed as a hopeful Powerball winner a couple weeks ago when the jackpot had reached an all-time record high, but putting a disguise on and going undercover to purchase some tickets did not fall onto his most embarrassing list that he posted today on The List App.
Probably because it was fucking awesome.
What did make Long’s list of the most embarrassing things he has ever done in his life? Some hilarious moments, that’s for sure. Here they are in the order that he listed them on the app.
2014: Charlottesville- Drove away from Bellair market with my Toyota 4Runner connected to the gas pump.
2015: Las Vegas – Stumbled back to my room at the Wynn and set my alarm to watch my beloved UVA hoops play Michigan state in the tourney. Woke up in a haze, realized I had the time zones wrong. hoos down 7 with 40 seconds left. With defeat imminent I fired up a tweet thanking Akil Mitchell for a great season. Mitchell played his last game in 2014.
2015: St Louis – went to see Star Wars. Bumped my head on the cardboard display above the soda machine real hard. It wobbled for 4 seconds. Really loud.
2016: Atlanta airport – Before takeoff, got up to go to the bathroom. Bumped my head on the tv above the aisle really hard.
2016: Over the Atlantic – On a flight from Atlanta to St. John, got up to use the bathroom and bumped my head on the tv above the aisle moderately hard. Heard laughter.
1990ish: Los Angeles – My dad and I met his childhood hero, Charlton Heston. I said “you were great in Spartacus.” Kirk Douglas was in Spartacus.
1992: Los Angeles – scored my bucket of the game in the opposing basket.
1996: Charlottesville – Hit my first home run of my little league career. Did not touch home plate. Allegedly. Called out.
1999: Charlottesville – After pleading with my JV coach to allow me to carry the football, I took the handoff and tripped for a three yard loss.
2013: St. Louis – purchased a 1996 Impala SS with low miles. Got a stopwatch that made the stop watch noise. Played the drive soundtrack repeatedly in my new Impala. My second day with the vehicle during rush hour, I accelerated getting on the highway and swerved into the median. Impala totaled. Created heavy traffic.
1995: Virginia – Was singing Stevie Wonder really loud and my mom’s friend walked in.
2004: Charlottesville – UVA football freshman rookie show. No one laughed at my skit. Booed offstage.
1990: Los Angeles – pooped in best friend’s pool. Blamed it on dog.
2006: Charlottesville – Phone goes off in lecture hall. Chamillionaire ringer.
2003: Charlottesville – took this photo in front of my friend’s dad’s pickup truck for Rivals.com.
2009: St. Louis – Signing autographs after a game. Homeless guy walks up. “How many sacks do you have so far?” “4” Goes from smile to confused look. “What the fuck?” Walks away.
If you’re unfamiliar with The List App, it’s an app created by actor B.J. Novak—yeah, the guy from The Office—for people who love the fuck out of lists. Clearly, Chris Long enjoys using it, and I’m glad he does, because his embarrassing moments are pretty classic.
[H/T Deadspin, The List App]