Chris Simms Should Be Thrown In Federal Prison For His Top 10 All-Time QB List And The Entire Internet Agrees With Me

Mike Coppola/Getty Images for Bleacher Ball

And just when I was starting to succumb to the holiday spirit, another asinine ranking has hit the internet that makes me want to swan dive off the nearest chimney.

I’ve been working the internet far too long to know that rankings, on anything, exist for the sole purpose of stirring people up. Here is how this works.

Highly Controversial Take –> Highly Enraged People –> High Engagement –> Better Business –> We All Die Alone. 

I really tried to ignore all the objectively wrong assessments of hot take professional Chris Simms, but there was peanut butter in the mouse trap and I am a man of little self-control.

Simms rankings are on the right, but of course you knew that because he may be the only dipshit on the planet to claim Brett Favre is better than Joe Montana.

As a Patriots fan (ok, don’t boo me, I need love too), I’ve been hearing Chris Simms’ Tom Brady slander for years. Like in November of 2014 when he claimed that Brady was not even a top 5 QB at the time, ranking Andrew Luck above him. Since then, Brady won three more Super Bowls and Andrew Luck is playing tennis.

Aside from that, no sane person would put Aaron Rodgers (who of course belongs somewhere in the top 10) as the best quarterback of all-time. There are three quarterbacks on his own goddamn list that have 4+ Super Bowl victories (Montana, Bradshaw, and Brady).

Ok, I need a drink. Let me allow the internet to fight my fight.

*Ok, breathe, Matt. This is what Simms wanted* 

Great, I’ve spiraled into a stupidity-induced panic attack. You win, Simms. You damn troll.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.