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There is no word in the English language that can adequately describe just how bad the Cleveland Browns are at football. I’m sure the Germans have some absurdly long compound word that can accurately describe how hopeless the team is, but I honestly don’t know how to articulate their sheer awfulness.
Last season, the Browns managed to avoid becoming the second team in NFL history to lose 16 games in a season (shoutout to the 2008 Detroit Lions) with a miracle win over the Chargers in their second-to-last game, dashing the hopes of fans who had applied for a permit to hold a parade to celebrate their ineptitude.
However, the Browns are off to a 0-9 start, and fans are already gearing up to celebrate a potentially winless season. Fox 8 reports Browns fan Chris McNeil has launched a GoFundMe in search of $3,000 to hold the “Browns Perfect Season Parade 2.0.”
The description reads:
I urge you to come out on January 6th to show your support for our owner, Jimmy Haslam, and his entire front office for the product they put on the field every Sunday (not Monday night, of course, because we aren’t good enough to get that slot). We will parade around First Energy Stadium and culminate with a post-party at a soon to be determined location.
The money will be used to pay for security guards, medical personnel, and bathrooms. If the Browns someone manage to eke out a win by the end of the season, all proceeds will go to the Greater Cleveland Food Bank.
The paperwork for a permit has officially been filed, but if the parade doesn’t end up happening, Browns fans can still look forward to another one scheduled for 2033 (although there’s a good chance the franchise won’t turn things around in the next 15 years). If the Dawg Pound hasn’t already started ordering paper bags in bulk, they might want to look into it.