Cristiano Ronaldo’s Medical Stats Prove He’s From A Different Planet

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I know I speak for most 30-year-olds when I say that the second I blew out the candles on my big 3-0, my metabolism packed its shit up and left. That ice cream cake has stuck to my ribs since its gorilla glue.

At 33 years old, Cristiano Ronaldo’s body operates a bit differently. The five-time Ballon d’Or winner is gearing up for his upcoming season with Italian champions Juventus, and as he is undergoing medical checkups with the Juventus staff. Suffice it to say, arguably the greatest soccer player of all time is in incredible shape and aging like Benjamin Button.

Via HypeBeast:

According medical reports obtained by Diario AS, the 33-year-old Ronaldo has the physical capacity of a 20-year-old player. The report goes on to state that Ronaldo has only seven percent body fat, a muscle mass of 50 percent, and also recorded the fastest speed at the 2018 FIFA World Cup with 21.1mph. Ronaldo scores high above the average footballer, considering they have about three percent more body fat and four percent less muscle mass.

During the medical Ronaldo stated, “I’m here because it’s a very big challenge in my career. At my age, players usually go to China […] I’m good emotionally, physically, that’s why the way I came here makes me proud, I’m different from everyone else, from all the players who are 32, 33 or 34 years old.”

It shows:

Not bad genes to have, either.

[h/t HypeBeast]

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.