Watch This Peruvian Goaltender Kung-Fu Kick A Referee In The Back If You’re Into Second-Hand Whiplash

The most surprising part of this video wasn’t that the goaltender ran all the way to mid-field and permanently branded cleat marks in the referees back, its that the ref didn’t grab his ankle and roll over in agony for 23 minutes. Of any soccer play that warrants a stoppage in play for an injury, this is it. But instead, the ref gets right back up and goes right back to business as usual. Also, there isn’t one person on the field gives a shit that the dude got blindsided and his spine popped out his chest. Poor bastard. Who’s going to fight his fight? Who’s going to sing his song?

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.