Earlier this week, I wrote an article about Tottenham’s decision to hire Jose Mourinho, titling the piece “Just Because You Want To Take Over The Galaxy Doesn’t Mean You Hire Darth Vader”. Can you tell I’ve been crushing Star Wars content on Disney+ for the last week straight?
What I meant by that was Spurs have clearly failed to consider the means to their end. Yes, while the potential end could wind up being long-elusive silverware, the means could irreparably damage the club.
Jose Mourinho, for all of his success, is a parasite. He finds his way into a club and begins to spread and grow his influence whether you like it or not. Just look at what happened at Manchester United: the man was taking shots at his own club’s modern history.
Thus far, Jose seems to be somewhat self-aware, as he’s been cutting a softer, kinder, apparently humbled figure since arriving at the club earlier this week. But once that honeymoon lust wears off and Mourinho finds himself in the throws of Daniel Levy’s penny-pinching ownership, his tune could revert to one of bitterness sooner than we expect, which would rot the club from the inside out.
So, to Spurs fans, I say this: keep your chin up, hope for the best, and enjoy the ride. Best case scenario? You win a Premier League title. Worst case scenario? Jose exiles all of your star players and you find yourself back to square one. And as for the rest of us? Sit back and soak it all in, because whether Spurs are incredible or a disaster, it’s going to be thrilling to watch.
Sauce Central Station – Viral Clips of the Week
How many weeks has it been since a Premier League match was played?
Jose being Jose.
Ousmane Dembele, elite practice player.
I’m not crying, you’re crying!!!
This game was dope.
Let’s Talk About (The Top) Six, Baby
Liverpool: Liverpool continues to hum along, having quite handily swept aside Manchester City in their last Premier League outing. With a couple potential injuries this weekend (Mo Salah, Andy Robertson, and Joe Gomez, to name a few), Liverpool may be heading to the notoriously difficult Sellhurt Park without the compliments of their entire armory. Nevertheless, Liverpool has the makings of the best team in Europe right now and shows no signs of slowing down.
Leicester City: After Manchester City’s Anfield dismantling, a legitimate case could be made that Leicester is the third-best team in England right now. Prior to their December 21 clash with Manchester City, the Foxes find themselves with a (relatively) remarkably easy run of fixtures: Brighton, Everton, Watford, Aston Villa, and Norwich. All of those teams sit 10th or lower in the table and Leicester could realistically beat all of them. If I’m Liverpool, it’s officially time to start keeping an eye on Brendan Rodgers’ men.
Chelsea: Frank Lampard has his kids flying ahead of what should be an epic matchup against the defending champions. While Manchester City thoroughly outclassed Chelsea last season, this season, the Blues have enough youthful reckless abandon energy that they’re going to really give the Citizens a go this weekend.
Manchester City: City needs three points this weekend or they risk finding themselves on the outside of the title race. While their defense is still a mess, Chelsea is no Liverpool and returning to their home ground (insert Manchester City plastic fans joke here) should give them a boost. Frankly, while I have no idea how the City-Chelsea game is going to wind up, I do know this: there’s gonna be goals.
Sheffield United (!): Not only is Sheffield United in the Top 5, but there’s a more than decent chance they take points off Manchester United this weekend.
Arsenal: With Mauricio Pochettino now out at Spurs, there is no hotter seat in the land then Unai Emery’s. Luckily for the embattled Spaniard, Arsenal’s run of games is quite easy prior to their December 15 match against Manchester City: Southampton, Norwich, Brighton, and West Ham. If Arsenal is going to kick their season into gear, it needs to happen now.
Get Rich or Die Tryin’ – Underdog Lock of the Week
Sheffield United to DRAW or WIN at home vs Manchester United: Draw = +225, Win = +255
Yes, while Manchester United have slightly (and somewhat quietly) gotten their shit together in recent weeks, the facts are that A) Sheffield is legitimately good and B) United’s road form still blows. How they’re such heavy favorites in this game is beyond me, especially because you KNOW Sheffield’s crowd is going to be raucous as they sense a chance to knock off one of the big dogs.
While Sheffield could certainly win this game, I’d play it safe and bet on the draw, and toss a little extra on the win if you’re feeling frisky.
Chalkity Chalk Chalk Chalk – Favorite Lock of the Week
Spurs to WIN at West Ham: -135
I know: Spurs haven’t won a road match in the Premier League since… January. Fucking January. That’s almost an entire year without winning anywhere else but Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. Just incredible incompetence. For comparison, Liverpool has won every single road Premier League match they’ve played this season except for a draw against Manchester United.
Luckily for them, not only will the be riding the famed new manager bounce but said new manager Jose Mourinho is undefeated in his career against the Hammers.
As for the Hammers themselves, they’ve been a mess following a surprisingly strong start, as they’re winless in their last five Premier League game, losing four of them.
Spurs are going to be gassed up by the new manager bounce and could likely put the… hammer to the Hammers. ZING! Take Spurs and don’t look back. Oh and also do it tonight since the game is at 7:30 a.m. tomorrow.
What Fucking Channel Is The Game On?
Instagram Flex of the Week
He Said What?!?!
Reporter: “Do you think losing the Champions League final had taken its toll on the squad of Mauricio Pochettino?”
Mourinho: “I don’t know, I’ve never lost a Champions League final.”
It’s A Wide, Wide World – Rest of the World Game of the Week
Serie A Double Header: Atalanta vs Juventus, 9 a.m. EST and Milan vs Napoli, 12 p.m. EST, both on ESPN+.
Eric is a New York City-based writer who still isn’t quite sure how he’s allowed to have this much fun for a living and will tell anyone who listens that Gotham City is canonically in New Jersey. Follow him on Twitter @eric_ital for movie and soccer takes or contact him email@example.com