Jay Cutler Proved He’s A Goddamn Reality Star In The Premiere Of His Wife’s Show, ‘Very Cavallari’


Mondays after a week long fourth of July bender is how Jay Cutler feels every day in his newfound post-football era. For those who tuned into his wife Kristin Cavallari’s new E! reality show, Very Cavallari, it is immediately apparent that Jay Cutler is equal parts The Dude from The Big Lebowski and Brooks from Shawshank Redemption when he gets released from prison. He walks around his mansion like a college kid on quaaludes who is on day six of spring break at his parents house and is fresh out of ideas to entertain himself.

Cutler’s ‘fuck it’ mentality is so strong it borders on arrogance–making him a made for tv, five-tool reality star. For all the untapped potential he left on the field, he makes up for in sweatpants under his own roof. Where others would make a concerted effort to play nice and spit-shine their image, Jay Cutler’s blissful indifference is endearing and refreshing. His comfort zone is cringe.

A couple highlights from the premier…

Cutler makes his reality television debut in the first scene of the first episode, whe he randomly strolls into family kitchen with a YETI cooler full of elk meat.


Here is Jay Cutler treating his wife’s business associates like home intruders.


Cavallari then describes how Jay is spending his retirement: investing in businesses, mentoring prospects watching deer cams.

A perplexed Cavallari describes his obsessive hobby to her friend: “It’s like live feeds of deer eating out of a deer feeder, not even on our property.”


Jay’s lack of doing basically anything isn’t lost on Cavallari, who wants her husband to piss off

“Just to not have to deal with Jay on a daily basis … I cannot wait for that to be over.”



Apparently the only thing keeping the two from divorcing is Cutler’s tornado tongue.


Jay Cutler is treating his life like a permanent summer Friday. He speaks for most of us.


Cutler on exercise.


Mind you, this is just episode one, and the thirst is already so real for Jay Cutler.

Very Cavallari airs every Sunday at 10 pm. Appointment television.

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.