Last week, after the 49ers beat the Cardinals on Thursday Night Football to advance to 8-0, Jimmy Garoppolo nearly got Erin Andrews pregnant with a 10 second interaction. Hell, I even pissed on a stick for safe measure. What does two lines mean?
It’s against company policy to embed porn in our articles, I won’t tell if you won’t.
At first I thought the entire internet overreacted over the interaction, and then I put myself in the shoes of Erin’s husband, former NHLer Jarrett Stoll. I imagined being with Erin and bumping into Jimmy on the street and watching him drip his sex appeal all over the sidewalk. Can’t be having a guy like Jimmy within 500 feet of a loved one. Dude is like Uncle Jesse, except doesn’t live under the same roof as Gladstone like a goddamn weirdo.
Especially when Erin seemed to relish in the exchange.
In any event, the general of the only undefeated team left in the league was asked about the viral interaction on Thursday, and tried to downplay it as if he and Erin didn’t just have sex through their clothes.
“I say baby like 500 times throughout the game, to my teammates and stuff. I didn’t…uh…it wasn’t like that.”
Jimmy, I love ya, brotha. But don’t jizz on my back and tell me it’s raining. The world got major Lloyd Christmas vibes when you were walking away.
Erin Andrews is your Mary
Samsonite Swanson. Don’t be bashful, you handsome fuck.