Jon Stewart Destroyed Tom Brady For Deflategate, Still Wants To Have Sex With Him

by 4 years ago

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Jon Stewart has not officially retired yet so that means there’s still time for him to [verb goes here] those making news for their abject stupidity.

Last night, Tom Brady predictably ended up in the late night host’s crosshairs. And boy, did Stewart ever shoot for the kill.

Calling Touchdown Tom the “Fresh Prince of Ball Air,” Stewart seemed more disappointed than angry. You know, like when your stepdad doesn’t show up to your Little League game even after he promised.

Perhaps because Stewart is desperately in love with Brady and just wants answers.

“Why? You got four Super Bowl rings. You’re married to the biggest supermodel in the world. Your face — your beautiful face — is a wonder of symmetry, a plutonic ideal of beauty that can survive even the stupidest of haircuts,” Stewart said. “And yet even with these dopey fucking haircuts, you’re still so handsome I would fuck the hole in your chin.”

That’s the type of honestly we’ll miss when Stewart disappears into that good night.

[H/T: The Daily Show]


TAGSChristopher Walken Jon StewartdeflategateJon Stewartnew englandTom Brady