Shooters Shoot: A Comprehensive Timeline Of Kristaps Porzingis Throwing Game To Women On Social Media

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Knicks All-Star power forward Kristaps Porzingis knows that social media can be a powerful wingman. The 7’3” Latvian sensation is no stranger to throw his hat in the ring to strangers on the world wide web since becoming a household name. The 22-year-old most recently showed his infatuation with model Taleen A. on Twitter, but before we get to that, lets briefly review his storied history.

The Unicorn pointed his horn toward Abigail Ratchford on February 21, 2017.


The Results:


It ain’t nothin.

Kristaps throwing an emoji at Croatian model Ines Nikic — June 2, 2017


The Results: 

Ines caught wind of Porzingis’ advance and posted a photo of her kissing her boyfriend with the caption “Are you sleeping peacefully at night, Kristaps?” in Croatian. Is that bad?


Oh, he was also informed that she was born in 1999 and not of legal age. Yeah that’s bad.

Kristaps would then move on to the other 1 billion women on social media, never to talk to Ines again.

Just kidding.

Ines turns 18. Porzingis comes a’knockin. August 16, 2017. 

Results: See previous result.

PorzinGod became a fan of Instagram’s original booty model, Jen Selter. December 2, 2017.

The Results:


Personalized unicorn shoutout.

Selter shows up to the Knicks game.

She then cast her All-Star vote for Porzingis on Twitter.

Final Results: I choose to believe they had intercourse. Sexually.

February 12, 2018. Porzingis is recovering from successful ACL surgery and it looks like those pain killers are making him loosey goosey with likes. 

Taleen, who has 60,000 Instagram followers, isn’t as high-profile as Selter or Ratchford, so Porzingis didn’t see it necessary to add an emoji.

The results: Pending.


Let this be a lesson to all you hopeful romantics out there: if at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off, and wait until they’re 18 you goddamn creep.


Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.