After 709 days, March Madness is back. The COVID-19-shortened year saw chaos across the nation and led us to one of the most wide-open brackets in recent history. As a result, there is a lot of opportunity for upsets and buzzer-beaters— and those all-time moments starts with the people on the court. There are 68 teams in the field and 15 players on each roster, which means 1,020 collegiate athletes are in Indianapolis with their sights set on a National Championship. As teams set off on the Road to the Final Four, there are always a few players who become household names, living forever in the folklore amongst the greatest (or worst) to step foot on the hardwood during the third month of the year.
As this year’s tournament plays out, there are 25 players who could be remembered forever, though for different reason. I went through all 1,020 rostered athletes to find the 25 best names and put them in order. You’re welcome.
Here are the very scientific and definitive Top 25 March Madness name rankings:
- 25. David Didenko — Georgia Tech
- 24. Austin Ash — Iowa
- 23. Caleb Broodo — Houston
- 22. Clyde Trapp — Clemson
- 21. Brycen Bush — Witchita State
- Bush is listed on the team website as an “energy guy on the bench and in practice.” Love to see it.
- 20. Aidan McQuade — Colorado
- 19. Blake Seacat — Oklahoma
- 18. Josh Bol Ajak — Syracuse
- 17. Josh Nickelberry — Louisville
- If only he had a nickel for every joke someone made about a berry, amirite?
- 16. Jamorko Pickett — Georgetown
- 15. Colin Castleton — Florida
- 14. Mac McClung — Texas Tech
- Not only is he one of the most explosive players on the court, but McClung is rapper Riff Raff’s cousin.
- 13. Mitch Lightfoot — Kansas
- He sure is light on his feet! *badum tss* Thank you, I’ll be here all night.
- 12. Isaac Likekele — Oklahoma State
- 11. J.C. Tharrington — University of North Carolina Greensboro
- I like to imagine that Tharrington is pronounced super old-english like. Thaaaarington.
- 10. Kamaka Hepa — Texas
- 9. Jonathan Kabongo — Virginia Tech
- 8. Jonathan Tchamwa Tchatchoua — Baylor
- Here he is pronouncing his own name. The Cameroon-native’s pronunciation sounds pretty much how it looks.
- 7. Lök Wur — Oregon
- 6. Kuba Karwowski — Utah State
- Look out for the 7-foot-2 Polish center. It’s hard to miss him.
- 5. Coletrane Washington — Drexel
- 4. Akok Akok — UConn
- Pronounced ah-Cook, you pervs.
- 3. Kofi Cockburn — Illinois
- 2. Isaiah Poor Bear-Chandler — Witchita State
- 1. Rocket Watts — Michigan State
- The tournament’s top name goes to someone literally named Rocket. How can that be topped?
- 1b. Nah’Shon “Bones” Hyland — Virginia Commonwealth
- Bones would be the clear No. 1 choice, but nicknames are not included.
What do you think? Who did I miss? Where did I go wrong? Let me know in the comments!