Being the ancient 30-year-old dude that I am, I can admit that I’ve been watching sports for a long time.
From seeing Roger Clemens pitch while still a member of the Boston Red Sox, to remembering what the NBA was like when it was dominated by Michael Jordan, these eyes have seen a shit ton of stuff happen in the wild world of sports.
That doesn’t mean that everything has been good, though.
Take, for instance, the ridiculously long list of twisted athlete injuries, with excuses to miss games or get put on the disabled list so dumb that they make a middle school kid faking sick’s reasoning actually seem believable.
There have been players falling down the steps and busting their leg while carrying deer meat, a guy breaking his arm to avoid pizzas sliding all over his car and, of course, the famous Sammy Sosa sneeze fest that caused back spasms worthy of a fucking earthquake.
In all of those wild injuries, though, not one was caused by something as simple as damn mobile phone—until the other day.
While most athletes would like fans to think that they get hurt doing something, you know, physical like weightlifting or practicing their craft, the San Antonio Spurs’ Matt Bonner stepped up and told it exactly like it is, admitting to the Concord Monitor that an elbow injury may have been caused by his iPhone.
Yeah, you know those things that everyone uses to avoid any interaction with the human race, choosing Tindering, texting, sexting, Tweeting and YouTube watching of every second of the day? A professional athlete injured himself using one of those.
According to the report, Bonner said he, “had really bad tennis elbow, and during that stretch it made it so painful for me to shoot I’d almost be cringing before I even caught the ball like, ‘Oh, this is going to kill.’”
The 11-year NBA ginger went on to theorize what was really going on, adding, “Everybody is going to find this hilarious … When the new iPhone came out it was way bigger than the last one, and I think because I got that new phone it was a strain to use it, you have to stretch further to hit the buttons, and I honestly think that’s how I ended up developing it.”
I mean, I can’t fault the guy for complaining about the size of the iPhone 6+, but, really, saying that that’s what caused him extreme pain during this past NBA season is a little fucking insane.
If I were in Bonner’s position, I would have taken things one step further and just said my wrist was injured from all the Tinder swiping I was doing, but, he failed to go into the full details.
Regardless of what the forward was doing on his phone to get such an injury, the score is obvious on this one: iPhone – 1, Bonner – 0.