Matthew Berry Is Running The Stupidest Fantasy League Ever And It Involves Bug Exterminators

Matthew Berry Terminex

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I genuinely like Matthew Berry. The guy took a once niche idea — fantasy football — and turned it not only into a full time gig with ESPN but into a brand. He’s basically an authority on fantasy football. In 2014, that’s an actual job. Again, I like Matthew Berry.

I fucking hate his agent, or manager, or whoever convinced Berry to put his name on this pile of cockroach shit.

If you’re among the millions of fantasy football team owners who missed the playoffs, Terminix, the leading provider of termite and pest control services in the United States, is giving you another shot at winning.

EMAIL SUBJECT: Fantasy Football Expert Matthew Berry Hosts First-Ever Terminix Fantasy Exterminator League

EMAIL RECIPIENT: Me, thinking, “wuht the fuk?”

My first assumption was “alright, Terminex is involved, but it’s a league of actual football players they could deem ‘pests’ because they disrupt opposing offenses, defenses or they’re just a pain in the ass to plan for BUT FUCKING NOPE IT’S A FANTASY LEAGUE OF BUG GUYS.”

Today, Terminix launches the first-ever Terminix Fantasy Exterminator League, based on real data from 10 Terminix service professionals across the country. Now through Dec. 14, fantasy sports fans across the nation can draft their own team of pest control pros for a chance to win a $5,000 Big Game Giveaway. And to help promote this unique fantasy league, the experts in pest control have enlisted a renowned fantasy football expert, bestselling author and national sports TV personality, Matthew Berry.

“I thought I had seen every kind of fantasy league, and then Terminix came up with Fantasy Exterminator League,” said Berry, who explains the rules of the contest in the Terminix Fantasy Exterminator League introduction video. “Like millions of other fantasy fanatics, I love playing any kind of fantasy league, especially if there are prizes. In this league, players draft a team comprised of Terminix’s lineup of rodent-removing service professionals — they’re the best in the country — and whoever’s team of professionals has the most captures over the course of the contest, wins.”

When bad marketing ideas happen to good people, guys like Matthew Berry are schilling for fucking bug killers.

If you go to the Terminex fantasy page, you can check out the stud draft choices. These are real men. With families. Families I hope don’t disown them after this bullshit idea.

Here’s my opinion if you join this league — I once had a Terminex guy ask to use my bathroom and drop a BOMB in my guest bathroom. I needed a pesticide mask just to walk around the house. Make that dude the #1 pick. I think he name was Phil.

If I hear any of you pricks bragging how well you’re doing in the Terminex league this season, I swear to Christ, I’m poking your eyes out with the business end of a bug spray hose.

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