— NBA New York Knicks (@nyknicks) July 9, 2015
//platform.twitter.com/widgets.jsWhat else is there to really say about the New York Knicks that hasn’t already been mentioned in the past year or so?
First, the team rejoices for hiring a President of Basketball Operations who made his fame by, oh, just being the greatest head coach in NBA history, not by building a team. Hell, Phil Jackson had a Dream Team at his disposal while coaching in the league, so what makes the Knicks and their fans truly think he can piece this messy puzzle together?
Second, they go out and are an absolute embarrassment on the floor, going 3-36 at one point during the season, pulling the plug on their “superstar” player, Carmelo Anthony, and hearing their home fans chant the name of an A-list actor instead of cheering for the shit list team during a game.
Then, to give their fans even more ulcers, they go out and draft some dude that generated some of the loudest boos in NBA draft history—and made a little kid fucking cry—by selecting Kristaps Porzingis with the fourth overall pick last month.
Really, everything that’s associated with the New York Knicks has proven to be a complete shitshow. So, naturally, anyone who signs with this debauchery of a franchise should look uncomfortable as all hell—but not for just the reasons stated above.
Generally speaking, basketball players are anywhere between six- to seven-feet tall, meaning they need just a little bit more room than the average person does when sitting at a normal sized table to sign something, say, like a new contract.
Via the Knicks’ PR official Twitter account, though, it seems the team forgot that they actually have large humans on their roster, putting them at a table that looks incredibly small for the giant men sitting in front of it.
April 8 – NY Knickerbockers announced that the team has signed guard Ricky Ledo for the remainder of the season. pic.twitter.com/YTUkVK2rKv
— NY_KnicksPR (@NY_KnicksPR) April 8, 2015
From Arron Afflao pulling the baseball catcher technique to sign his deal, to Robin Lopez looking as if he’s in the middle seat on a Southwest flight, these dudes have to be rethinking what they’re getting themselves into with this shithouse team before the ink even dries on their contract.
For comparison’s sake, look at the spacious digs the Cleveland Cavaliers gave Kevin Love when he re-signed his new mega-deal. Fuck the chance at winning a title, I would have seriously considered taking the league minimum just to enjoy the comfort of that damn room.
Jan. 30 – NY Knickerbockers announced today that the team has signed Lou Amundson for the remainder of the season. pic.twitter.com/NSnek1C07m
— NY_KnicksPR (@NY_KnicksPR) January 30, 2015
According to Forbes, the Knicks are the second highest-valued team in the NBA at $2.5 billion. With that amount of coin, you’d think that, just maybe, they could afford a table that doesn’t look like it was hand-assembled from fucking IKEA.