NFL Fashion Review Week 10: DeAndre Hopkins Channeled A Grammy Winner And Cam Newton Looked Like He Was Flying A Magic Carpet

Week 10 of the NFL season was an especially weird one, at least by viewing standards. Thanks to coverage of the final round of The Masters, we basically had an even split of games all day, which of course made fans either angry or delighted because fans can only be angry or delighted. It’s the law. But what it really boiled down to was a consistent, glorious stream of alarming chaos from Scott Hanson on the RedZone, with no late afternoon cruise control button available for the first time since 2011!

Now before we get into anything else, it is 100% mandatory to watch this video of a young Kirk Cousins singing his heart out with his pals. It doesn’t even matter if you’ve seen it already, it remains equally funny — if not funnier — with each viewing. And if this isn’t the most Kirk Cousins thing you’ve ever seen, I would really need to know what is. Because… wow.

Honestly couldn’t stop laughing from the very moment I hit that play button. All we need now is the 15-minute director’s cut version and life will be complete.

MISSING IN ACTION: The Week 10 BYEs deprived us of more unintentional comedy with the absence of the Jets and Cowboys, and also slapped us right across the face in denying us Patrick Mahomes and international man of mystery, Mr. Matt Ryan.

You know you’re sitting comfortably at the top when all you need is a giant pair of shades and some wild hair to set the tone.

Conversely, all you need to do to make it look like you’re running late for an important status meeting with Johnson is to dress exactly like Matty Ice, who is reportedly scheduled to loosen up by April of 2037. Can’t wait!

Anyway, you know how this bumpy ride of a story goes: Whether it was fire, fierce, funny or fail, it’s time to get this weekly party started with the machismo of fashion phenom, Razor Ramon.

DeAndre Hopkins

https://www.instagram.com/p/CHn8Z-rFync/

DeAndre Hopkins looks like he’s arriving on-set to film a highly anticipated sequel to “Thriller” — complete with a thunderous moonwalking set, the likes of which we have never seen. He also looks like a guy who has just arrived in Paris to discuss the very suit he’s wearing that he casually crafted with his own two hands on the long flight over. Essentially, D-Hop looks like everything except for a guy showing up to play a football game. But I have some news for you. This man is an absolute beast in every sense of the word, so please close your eyes if you’re a Bills fan…

This is a jump-off-your-couch and scream type of catch. Just a ridiculous effort and so damn enjoyable assuming you don’t reside in Buffalo. Meanwhile, in Houston…

Deshaun Watson

… Browns 10, Texans 7! An equally thrilling classic, but not really. Safe to say things are rather “unwell” in Houston, as the team that hilariously traded DeAndre Hopkins now sits at a paltry 2-7 with an endless set of questions that are far better off being answered with empty stares than actual words. On the plus side, Pregame Deshaun Watson is thriving like never before. The level of detail here is downright absurd. So, if you’re out there lifelessly kicking rocks and looking for something positive to put a bow on, I guess there’s that.

Cam Newton

Cam Newton’s new fly-in magic carpet movie theater opens this Friday with a showing of Aladdin at 7 pm. When I say things like “Cam Newton is the gift that keeps on giving” it’s one of the rare moments where I absolutely mean 100% of what I said. On a related note, the surge in searches for “Fez hats” on Amazon and eBay must be skyrocketing and if there isn’t one under my tree on Christmas morning, there will be pouting.

Dan Feeney!

Chargers lineman Dan Feeney is everything a lineman should be when they elect not to “dress up.” This is Kenny Powers ELITE, I just can’t believe the mask doesn’t say Harley-Davidson or have a beautiful cartoon rendering of Dan Feeney’s message-sending mane.

Philip Rivers!

Philip Rivers rarely makes an appearance here because he’s almost never featured on any of the Colts social media pages, and they tend to post a lot of gameday photos. So it’s a bit of a mystery, but who cares. We’ve finally arrived and, naturally, Phil looks like he’s being interviewed for some random job via Zoom and offering up an unwarranted O-Face. The man always, always comes through in the clutch.

Derek Carr

Derek Carr, presumable impressed by his own guns — which has become the weekly standard — also delivered a disturbing O-Face of his very own. Let’s just move on.

Khalil Mack

Khalil Mack, unstoppable anywhere and everywhere, and that includes the runway in Milan during Fashion Week.

Russell Wilson

Russell Wilson’s continued insistence on wearing suits that make him look like a fullback about to explode remains as questionable as his recent play on the field. Just rip up the script — AGAIN — and wear throwback Sonics jerseys for the rest of the season. Thanks in advance.

Tom Brady

At first glance, one might assume Tommy Tampa was sporting some NFL #SaluteToService apparel. But this doesn’t resemble anything even remotely close to the Bucs’ Salute to Service gear, so the only logical conclusion is that Sir Thomas has finally begun ignoring what Gisele lays out for him and instead goes with what he deems “really rad.”

Baker Mayfield

Credit to Baker Mayfield for always entering the stadium on game day with an innocent look that makes it seem like the slate has been wiped clean (it hasn’t) and the journey has just begun (it’s almost over). And then there’s “Postgame Baker” who always shows up, win or lose, in a completely different element and dropping shit like “Real Gs move in silence like lasagna.” The deadpan delivery really sent this one over the moon. A+++ performance. What now? Now we wait for Eminem to use this exact line on a vicious Lions-loyal diss track that trashes Baker and the boyz.

Kyler Murray

Kyler Murray’s t-shirt has a purse instead of a pocket. I repeat, Kyler Murray’s t-shirt has a purse instead of a pocket.

Za’Darius Smith (Reppin’ Preston Smith)

Za’Darius Smith and Preston Smith have come together to create a Super Smith Bros. t-shirt that even Packer haters would probably consider buying. Just awesome. I’ll update this section if I find a link to purchase one. Would make for a great Christmas gift for all those CheeseHeads out there.

Neiko Thorpe

Don’t know much about Neiko Thorpe — which is to say I don’t know a god damn thing about Neiko Thorpe — what I do know, however, is that I currently believe he’s the rising prince of the NFL.

Derrick Henry

Gonna go ahead and pretend that mini white purse at the bottom of his shirt isn’t actually there and instead say that Derrick Henry can do no wrong and you cannot tell me otherwise. And if you do, I’ll just do this. So THERE.

Aaron Rodgers

Having one — literally one singular look — for an entire season is not something we’ve seen before. Is it boring? Yes. It is surprising considering the source? No. The only changeup is whether or not we get Postgame Loser Face or Postgame Winner Face. Surprise, the Packers won. Aaron Rodgers is as genuine as his new teeth whitener.

Daniel Jones

Win or lose, a mentally frozen Daniel Jones appearing to face the trial of his life is the closest thing we can get to a guarantee in sports.

Josh Allen & Stefon Diggs

This is such an amazing snapshot of conflicting styles and personalities. Josh Allen, who’s very close to Matt Ryan-levels of boring, wearing a team-issued Bills zip-up while Stefon Diggs rocks an amazing old school Snoop hoodie.

Drew Brees

Sales Team Leader of the Year, Drew Brees, seen here in his wild “raking leaves” outfit. Fierce!

Budda Baker

Excellent work by the Cardinals with the strategic play button placement. No one — and I mean no one — wants to see Budda Baker’s alleged third nipple.

Thomas Davis Sr.

Can anyone actually prove that this is actually linebacker Thomas Davis Sr. and not Hall of Famer, Neon Deion Sanders? You can’t and you won’t. The Popeyes cup with this pimp ensemble is the finishing touch we had no idea we needed.

Lamar Jackson

Lamar Jackson sans 11 chains and a hastily thrown together outfit? The Ravens freefall has officially begun.

Joe Burrow

Joe Burrow, appearing dangerously close to entering the dreaded Joe Flacco Zombie Zone, went with every recommended pattern possible between the jacket, shirt, and tie but then totally redeemed himself with… Mr. Krabs? You just never know what’s coming next.

 

Quenton Nelson

Quenton Nelson got into his artsy side, making the team photographer wait an extra 20 minutes for the proper gust of wind to come through and create the dramatic effect seen here with his jacket. Quite a moment.

Akiem Hicks

As many people have been saying, Akiem Hicks is a whole damn mood.

Anthony Harris & Eric Kendricks

Ant Harris adding the black gloves to complete his Prince-Joker-Vikings tribute ensemble just made him the best comic book villain in the NFL. But sheeeeeit — for real — that purple suit is straight fire.

Travis Kelce

Killa Trav’ joined the purple brigade, of which I have no real explanation for, but very much encourage. Especially those SB Dunk Purple Lobsters. Killa Trav’ out there doin’ Killa things. Related: Water is wet.

J.J. Watt

King-like shit every week and it’s almost always something different. Neat!

Justin Simmons

If you can get your hands on a suit like this for Thanksgiving dinner, you will be going home with all the leftovers. And someone’s girlfriend.

Cam Jordan

Cam Jordan always comes across as someone who would be hilarious to hang out with and he has the flip-up glasses to prove it.

Mike Williams

Hell yes, Mike Williams. HELL-freakin-YES.

Chase Claypool

Steelers rookie Chase Claypool has played a total of nine games and he’s already posting dramatic self-portraits with equally deep captions from his Twitter account. Prayers up!

Aaron Jones

OK, kinda feel like it might be time for Aaron Jones to introduce a new sombrero to the masses, although such a change would probably violate some major superstition given the team’s success this season. So maybe just stack the entire top of that thing with like a 7-layer dip or something?

Eddie Jackson

The Bears had a full gallery dedicated to teasing a Bears x Lyrical Lemonade collaboration. Nice to see they’re at least swinging some deals off the field.

Jason Pierre-Paul

https://www.instagram.com/p/CHnb9yhg11W/

Jason Pierre-Paul has 323k Instagram followers and a grand total of 6 posts, one of which is the post seen above. Do you think he likes his Mercedes? I think he likes his Mercedes. In this additional photo from the Bucs, it’s like JPP is having a very difficult time saying goodbye to it even though he’ll be back in three hours.

Robby Anderson

https://www.instagram.com/p/CHgsS1Jh30m/

As one IG commenter so aptly put it, “He sorry for dripping but drip is what he do.” Well god damn! That’s some Shakesperian stuff right there, folks.

Joe Haden

Excellent person and teammate Joe Haden paid tribute to No. 55 Devin Bush, who is out for the season with a torn ACL. Very cool gesture.

Terrence Brooks

Terrence Brooks isn’t exactly buzzing on anyone’s radar but facts are facts, and it’s a fact that you’ll make the cut if you wear a “Little Rascals” t-shirt.

Antonio Gibson

https://www.instagram.com/p/CHl7zLwgNr-/

These Burberry sneakers, man. QUESTIONABLE. Doesn’t matter if the budget is seemingly endless, I’m certain that dropping $750 to wear a famed scarf pattern on your feet, complete with a velcro strap, is comically stupid.

Jamal Agnew

Really can’t imagine ever owning anything Detroit Lions-related, however, Jamal Agnew’s Starter jacket is off the charts good. You’re just not gonna do much better than that. Also greatly enjoy that the 25-year-old Agnew, who wears No. 39, is so confident he’ll be wearing that number his entire career that he went ahead and purchased that chunky “XXXIX” chain. BOLD.

Luke Rhodes & Rigo Sanchez!

Luke is the Colts long snapper and Rigo is the Colts punter, so of course they roll together but who knew this duo would exude the mood of “the big dropoff ’bout to go down” and do it so damn well? Screw kicking, get these two to Hollywood.

Jordan Wilkins

https://www.instagram.com/p/CHgf3X4lfys/

The aforementioned “dropoff” was no doubt going to this man, corrupt Colts running back Jordan Wilkins. #Allegedly

Marlon Humphrey

Then again, don’t be surprised if the notorious Marlon Humphrey makes a play for the “dropoff.” He’s lookin’ like a man expecting a bag, the good kind of bag, the only kind of bag.

Tyrod Taylor

The NFL’s Official Backup QB Requirements: Hold clipboard on Sundays; option to conduct photoshoots six days a week. What. A. Gig.

Someone On The 49ers

No one even knows who this guy is, which kinda says it all for the 49ers right now. Although I do very much appreciate the Who Gives A Fuck approach. Free as a bird and lettin’ it fly.

Michael Badgley

Michael Badgley is the Chargers kicker and somehow not the sleaziest sports agent in all of South Beach.

Ben Roethlisberger

Some Lost Heat From Last Week: Big Ben spreadin’ his vibrant wings with a western snap-shirt that brought the whole damn house down. Show some mercy, king!

DeVante Parker

Shit’s just different in Miami.

Julian Blackmon

https://www.instagram.com/p/CHd9vMTJIBS/

Lots of talk about Julian Blackmon being in contention for Defensive Rookie of the Year, and that’s great. I’d just like to take this moment to nominate those shoes for my Christmas list.

Jayon Brown

https://www.instagram.com/p/CG0PjC0HE1R/

Speaking of Christmas, where the hell can I find this unbelievably great hoodie? Help a brother out! I don’t want this, I need this.

Michael Pittman Jr.

Nothing like a little last-minute, dead serious pocket pool from Michael Pittman Jr. before hopping on the plane to Tennessee. And by god, it worked! Hauling in 7 catches for 101 yards played a huge part in the Colts win. Keep pokin’, playa’.

Kevin Byard

Are we sensing a theme here with the Titans? Definitely feeling some week to week commonalities, none of which involve consistency on the field. A messy loss to the Bengals in Week 8, narrowly escaping the Bears in Week 9, and then this latest mess of a loss to the Colts? Oh well, at least they look cool.

Al-Quadin Muhammad

These jeans have successfully, and quite quickly, melted my brain right out of my ears and directly into my coffee. The person responsible for designing these “anything and everything denims” is either one of the most accomplished designers in the world or a 15-year-old art student and avid Colts fans who overnighted these to Al-Quadin Muhammad with fingers crossed.

Quincy Williams

JAG SWAG ALERT. Release all Siren Emojis at once. And make it snappy. UPDATE: Is that a Jaguars cell phone case?!? If so, all comments REDACTED.

Cameron Batson

Cameron Batson’s throwback Oilers shirt must be found and it must be found now. UPDATE: Boom, here it is and it’s on sale. Though I gotta say, had I not seen the shirt on Batson himself, there would be zero interest. The folks over at Fanatics are not exactly sellin’ the sizzle with their photo choices. Sad!

Trent Williams

This photo of Trent Williams is from weeks ago but the very second I stumbled upon this bizarrely colored, key ring-themed coat, I felt compelled to share it in all of its ridiculous glory. It’s not even so bad that it’s good. It’s actually so very, very, very bad that it’s ultimately fucking hilarious. Everyone wins! Even Trent, because he’s walkin’ on air in this debacle.

Bill Belichick

Had he worn a black button-down we would have been gifted with a Lord Vader version of The Bill. Nonetheless, he still delivered the goods as his right nipple made a surprise appearance. Yes, I noticed that and I don’t plan on apologizing for it.