Why The NFL Preseason Is The F*cking Worst
The NFL’s preseason may be a couple weeks old now, but that doesn’t mean that “real” football is completely back yet. As we all know, there’s nothing about the preseason that should get us excited, as it’s honestly just a big cock tease compared to the real games starting.
While it’s awesome to see behemoth guys knocking each other’s heads off and fantasy football becoming a topic of trash-talking among friends, until the regular season starts, you won’t see me wasting time balled up on the couch to watch a game.
That’s because, whether you agree or not, the preseason kind of sucks—and here are the definitive reasons why.
6. Ticket Costs
If you don’t already know this, sports is a business—a big one, in fact—with greedy owners trying to weasel every penny out of fans that they can.
For years, there have been rumblings about how dumb it is that NFL preseason games are the same fucking price as the regular season ones—even though the product on the field is second-class.
With teams struggling to give tickets away to preseason affairs, fans are starting to get smart and just ditching out on heading to the stadium before September. Until teams change the prices on tickets, that, hopefully, won’t change anytime soon.
Dear NFL: Make preseason ticket prices $8 and offer them up in a lottery, you may see people actually give a shit about showing up.
5. Tired Storylines
Is anyone else sick and tired of hearing about the New England Patriots’ quest to repeat, Tom Brady’s court updates and who the “breakout stars” are supposed to be according to the “experts?”
Yeah, I am, too.
Redundancy in life is bound to happen—you get up, you shower, you go to a shitty job, you stare at a computer screen, you leave early for Happy Hour and you watch Sportscenter three times before you go to bed. But sports is supposed to give us a break from all of that bullshit.
Not the preseason, though, as every single day is filled with a bunch of boring news stories that have no relevancy to about 90 percent of NFL fans.
Fuck, man, the regular season just needs to get here already, because I’m not sure how much more of the Tom Brady sketch artist updates I can take anymore.
4. The Length
Can someone not named Roger Goodell explain to me why the NFL preseason has to be so fucking long?
While length is a good thing in some cases—see: porn—when sports fans anticipate the beginning of a new football season kicking off, the last thing they want to continue to see are backups playing full games, unfortunate injuries to star players and stats leaders packed with no-namers.
Teams clearly don’t take the preseason too seriously, so get with the damn program and just shorten it already, NFL!
3. Way-Too-Early Predictions
I know, I know, BroBible is one of the culprits of this—hell, I may be the worst—but when TV shows and websites put on their predicting hats, it can become a bit of a tired topic.
It’s fun to debate which team might win the Super Bowl and which player will have a season that has never been seen before, but it’s all just a fucking guess!
As much as I’d like to think that I can predict the future and tell you exactly what will happen in the NFL season, if that were the case, I should be in Vegas counting my gambling winnings and sleeping with five different chicks every night. In other words, I would be Dan Bilzerian.
Unfortunately, that’s not the case, though.
2. The No Name Game
Whether you want to admit it or not, for three of the four preseason games in the NFL, third-string and practice squad players are on the field the majority of the time, making fans wonder, “who in the hell are these fuckin’ guys?”
Don’t get me wrong, persevering and overcoming hurdles to become a pro athlete is fucking awesome, with some inspiring stories of players who have done it, but, let’s get real, no fan wants to waste their time seeing backups play while the stars rest up to avoid injury.
Sadly looks like Kelvin Benjamin the latest player to suffer a potentially serious injury. Absolutely brutal time of year
— Jason La Canfora (@JasonLaCanfora) August 19, 2015
Speaking of injuries, the dreaded preseason ones are always the fucking worst.
Go ahead and complain about how you and your friends are the dumbasses who held their fantasy draft too early and your top pick pulled a hammy in the third preseason game, but that should be secondary to the real affect it has on a team.
Fans want to see the best players on the field each and every week, so when LeSean McCoy hurts himself during a scrimmage or a promising wide receiver goes down with a torn ACL in drills, it’s seriously sickening.
I know, it’s sports, it’s football, it’s guys trying to knock the snot out of each other—so injuries will happen—but the extra hours during the preseason only increases the chance of them occurring.