Nike’s Stock Takes A Slide After Zion Proved Too Beastly For Its Shoes, Pleasing Darren Rovell Immensely

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In the moments following Zion Williamson exploding his shoe, mildly spraining his knee, and effectively taking him out of the most hyped game of the college basketball season, the Action Network’s Darren Rovell was fervently refreshing Nike’s stock price to see if it dipped after the major malfunction on National television with OBAMA THERE.

These tangential storylines are Rovell’s bread and butter, and every sports fan in America knows it.

As Rovell says, “What is predictable to some is consistency to others.” Amen.

Welp, the numbers are in this morning. And Nike’s business took a hit following the Zion incident.

If just 1 percent is $1.12 billion, I think Nike will recover from this, especially considering Zion’s injury is said to be only a “mild knee sprain.”

Oh, and this:

Nike released a statement after the injury, saying:

“We are obviously concerned and want to wish Zion a speedy recovery. The quality and performance of our products are of utmost importance. While this is an isolated occurrence, we are working to identify the issue.”

Identify the issue? Moral of the story: If you’re 6’7”, 285 pounds and built like the Incredible Hulk ate the Incredible Hulk, then Nike’s aren’t strong enough for you. May have to transition to Tevas.

 

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.