A fellow Patriots fan and certified Masshole friend of mine sent me this video urging me to shred Peyton for his jab at the Golden Boy. I understand that as fans we feel compelled to defend our team against anyone and everyone who takes a shot at its collective character. Shit, I just stopped defending Aaron Hernandez last Tuesday. Tucked his jersey in the back of my closet in case new evidence comes to light that he didn’t kill that dude. Or all those other dudes.
But I just have a hard time hating on Peyton. Even after I learned of him rubbing his balls and taint on a female trainer’s face at Tennessee. Even after allegations of him taking HGH after he fully recovered from his fourth neck surgery in less time it took me to wait for a Time Warner Cable representative this morning. I needed Peyton to truly be able to contextualize Brady’s greatness. Sure, it sounds like he’s got a wad of cum in his jaw every time he opens his mouth, but Batman would be just a grown man in a Halloween costume if he didn’t have the Joker to extract his powers. And at the end of the day, I can hang my hat on the fact that Brady’s lapped him in Super Bowls and Peyton’s neck will likely fall off before Christmas. We’ll call it a wash.
The Comedy Central Roast of Rob Lowe airs Labor Day on Comedy Central.