Yesterday’s First Time PGA Tour Winner Thinks Winning Is Cool, But It Sounds Like He Just Wants To Get Laid

I’ve always said that being a pro golfer has to be the most legit job on the planet. I mean, you get to do something that other people literally work 50 years in an office to do—play fucking golf—and actually get paid for it.

Unfortunately, just because someone has their PGA Tour card, doesn’t mean that they are hitting it big with the ladies all of the time—even if they can hit a golf ball over 300 yards off of a tee.

Fans discovered that yesterday when, after winning his first career PGA event, 24-year-old Danny Lee just wanted something more than just his new, Greenbrier Classic trophy to cuddle with—you know, something with a some nice legs and a sexy face, perhaps.

One would think that Lee, who was born in South Korea but resides in New Zealand, would have the privilege of busting out a wicked accent on ladies to attract them to him—in case the whole, “I’m a professional golfer” line doesn’t work. Yet, there he was, after defeating three other guys in a four-way playoff yesterday talking about how he wished he had a girlfriend.

Per Jason Sobel of ESPN’s Twitter account, Lee said, “I love it here. My one wish is that I had a girlfriend. It wouldn’t be so lonely in my room.”

Wait, what?

Dude actually just admitted that, at 24 years old, he would rather have a girl who could help keep him warm at night than to play the field? Man, haven’t you heard of Tinder? Or Match? Or anything that could get you some loving without stressing too much?

OK, so maybe I’m just overreacting because, well, I’m straight-up jealous that this kid just deposited $1.2 million into his bank account after the victory, but comes across as whiny because he has no lady friend. Hell, if he gives me a cool grand, I’ll go ahead and get him some ladies who wouldn’t mind spending a few hours with him to help celebrate his first PGA win.

If “renting” a lady for a night isn’t his thing—and it shouldn’t be, because prostitution is bad and illegal—then maybe he can just give me 100 bucks and I’ll show up at his place with some fine cigars and a case of Natty Light, fully prepared on giving him some advice as to why he should be happy with his golf clubs. If that doesn’t work, well, there’s always a guy named Tiger Woods who has quite the history with ladies, so, I mean, it could never hurt to ask!

Here’s to many more victories to you, Danny Lee. Whether that means more wins on the golf course or a few more in the sack is something that I hope to hear more about.

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