The City of Philadelphia really, really, really wants to win a Super Bowl. Actually, any championship — the ’08 Phillies gave the city a taste of the spoils of victory and, dammit, can’t Boston just stop winning thing already?
An Eagles championship rests in the hands of mad scientist Chip Kelly, who has tinkered with the team all off-season like it’s some kind of twisted science experiment. Somehow Tim Tebow is on the roster. LeSean McCoy has been traded for linebacker Kiko Alonso, who didn’t play last year thanks to an ACL injury. DeMarco Murray is now in South Philly for $40 million. And, finally, Nick Foles was traded to the Rams for… Sam Bradford?
The Birds season is now contingent on Sam Bradfords knees remaining healthy. With Pope Francis’s September trip to Philly looming, one Eagles fan is begging the head of the Catholic Church to bless Bradford’s knees. The Change.org petition already has 1,800 supporters:
“The Pope is coming to Philly! Our city! With this Eagles season coming up, a lot of our Super Bowl hopes rely on Sam Bradford’s knees staying healthy. So, with one of the most religious representatives in the world visiting our wonderful place we call home, how about we get him to bless Bradford’s knees during his visit to Philly! This town deserves a Super Bowl, and a healthy Bradford is the only way we will have a parade down Broad Street! Please sign this petition and Go Eagles and Welcome to Philly, Pope Francis!!!!”
Chip Kelly’s signature better be the first one on there. He’s the mad man who brought Bradford to Philly in the first place and, for the sake of his NFL coaching career and my personal health and sanity, I hope he knows what he’s doing.