I Know It’s Fake, But This Video Of Philly Sports Fans Trying To Save A Child In A Locked Car Is Scary Accurate

by 4 years ago

philadelphia sports fans child locked car

This video from The Philly Offensive shows a bunch of Philadelphia sports fans trying to save a baby from a locked car on a hot day in a parking lot.

Right off the bat, the camera work is a little too good and the string of f-bombs are excessive, even for that Eagles loyalist.

That said, a couple more notes:

1) That kid might be scarred for life. “They” say each generation is getting weaker. This lil’ bro is gonna have trigger warnings and require safe spaces for the rest of his anxiety-riddled days. Especially since he’s a super sensitive Dallas Cowboys fan.

2) If those Philly fans had saved the kid, that kid has to denounce Dallas, no? Not just the Cowboys, the entire Dallas-Fort Worth metropolitan area.

3) I picture this being the result of the kid’s scheduled day with his dad, who’s a disgraced executive who was a big shot swingin’ dick in the early to mid-90s when the Cowboys were actually good, but then his cocaine-addled brain was too stubborn to foresee the 2008 financial crisis and he lost everything, including his beautiful, blonde, fake-boobed wife.

4) As much as Eagles fans hate the Cowboys — which should be fully covered in the forthcoming Dallas Sucks documentary — if this kid were wearing a Giants jersey, those Philadelphians would’ve set the car on fire then pissed on the ashes. Or spits. Philly sports fans have been known to spit. Or vomit. They enjoy vomiting on children as well.

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