Aramark
Look, I understand I am in the minority when it comes to the consumption of crab. But I think no one should eat a fucking fish bug that has eight legs and two claw hands whose diet consists of fish poop and dead rotted fish and dead rotted fish poop and which calls its home the whale-piss pool we know as the ocean.
But hey, you do you. Eat the tiny flecks of fish poo-flavored meat. Claim it tastes like the sea. Accidentally bite into a shell and cut your gum. Whatever. But even more than crab, I hate crab dip. Hey, let’s take the most vile flavor in the world and mix it with cream cheese. OH YAHHH THAT’S A TASTY SNACK.
Fuck. That. It’s fitting, though, that our foulest food is a point of pride for our shittiest state. Yea. Talking about you, Maryland.
What a god awful abomination. It’s like 90 million square miles of suburbia and divided highways, filled with the dredges of America. Spend an afternoon driving through Gaithersburg then try and say something nice about the state of humanity. You can’t.
Fun fact: There are more strip malls than there are houses in Maryland.
Anyway, the Ravens are taking a regular hamburger and putting crab dip on it, which is disgusting.
It will also include cheese, bacon, sausage, onion rings, and two buffalo chicken wings.
I am ambivalent about those.
It will retail for $18 at M&T Bank Stadium, which actually seems like a decent deal.
[H/T Jason, Via Barstool Sports]