Rob Gronkowski Has Technically Thrown The Worst First Pitch Of All Time

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Ahead of their 11:10 a.m. on a Monday game against the Cleveland Guardians — today is the Boston Marathon, a.k.a Patriots Day — New England Patriots Rob Gronkowski threw out the ceremonial first pitch.

Gronk, however, didn’t throw out a pitch at all. In typical, Gronk fashion, he slammed it into the mound in his trademark style, which he did to many of the footballs he had in his hands following his 93 career touchdowns (plus another 15 in the playoffs).

Because we aren’t an advanced sports science company, I can’t give you some sort of exact measurement of how far that ball traveled. But given that, truly, every other person to throw out a first pitch has actually tried to get it to the mound, there’s no doubt that Gronk’s is — if landing in the catcher’s glove is the goal (which it isn’t, more on that later) — the worst in the history of the sport.

The key here is that reaching the pitcher, contrary to popular belief, is not the goal of the ceremonial first pitcher. The goal, really, is to entertain the crowd. And given that it’s a Red Sox game, on Patriots day, with Gronk throwing out the first pitch, there is perhaps nothing more *Boston* — other than him grabbing a mic and proclaiming “This is our f—— city” — that could’ve happened in the moment than that.

As for who Gronk is competing with, 50 Cent with the Mets, Stephen A. Smith with the Yankees, Dr. Anthony Fauci with the Nationals, and Carly Rae Jepsen with the Rays.

Luckily, in recent years, the first pitch ceremony has been recovered, if not found new life, thanks to the likes of rapper Megan Thee Stallion and South Korean actress Jeon Jong-seo.

In the early stages of the 2024 MLB season, the Red Sox find themselves fourth in the highly competitive American League East, which, at the time of this writing, has not a single team below .500.

Their longtime heated rivals in New York, the Yankees, currently lead the division with an MLB-best record of 12-4 (as of April 15).