Robert Kraft’s Bizarre Analogy For Tom Brady’s Departure Implies There Is Someone To Blame And Pats Nation Is Finger Pointing

Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

There is no doubt in my mind that Robert Kraft loves Tom Brady more than my father loves me, a blogger.

In the wake of Tom Brady making the baffling decision to join a mildly competitive XFL team, the Patriots owner put up a total of 12 billboards around New England thanking the legendary quarterback.

In a statement, Kraft spoke of Brady like a doting father: “I love Tom like a son and I always will. He has brought so much happiness to me personally and to all of our fans.”

Given that the relationship between owner and star is as rock solid as it can be, there is a lot of lingering confusion as to why a 42-year-old Brady wouldn’t ride into the sunset with the only team he’s ever known.

Is Gisele fed up with the brutal New England winters? Has Brady finally chosen Alex Guererro, his guru and the godfather to one of his sons, over an organization who views him as a pest? Is this the last straw with Bill Belichick, a coach who perpetually refuses to bring in any downfield weapons who aren’t on a discount pending a felony lawsuit? Fucking Tampa, really?

Kraft only ignited more speculation of something stinky festering beneath the surface when speaking with NFL Network’s Michael Giardi about arguably the greatest football player to ever live walking right out the door.

Kraft is obviously implying that someone is to blame here.

Leave it to Patriots Nation, a confused bunch I myself am a member of, to speculate on who the culprit is.

So it’s confirmed: Bill Belichick was having an affair with Gisele. That is what I chose to believe to be able to hal from this.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.