Kansas City Royals Santa Drops F-Bomb On Live TV–Obviously Too Shitfaced To Drive Sleigh Home

Make no mistake, this was an absolutely brilliant marketing strategy by KMBC news for dressing up this dude and making him say ‘fuck’ on the local news. Genius way to spice up a hollow puff piece–ratings sore and none of the flak gets put on the agency or its tight-assed field interviewer. Chad the interviewer (no idea if that’s his real name but I’ve never been more confident it is) probably threw him a couple Tic Tacs like that dirtbag Santa from Home Alone and told him to fuck off afterwards because its obvious Chad is a sneaky racist. Wouldn’t even let the dude keep the costume, made him strip down to his skivvies and sent him along his merry way. Cut throat reporting at its finest. And you know the producer instructed Chad: ‘Pick the least traditional santa you can find. Oh Don Cheadle’s busy? How bout this scrawny Indian dude?’  Academy Award winning work by Chad to act surprised.

Yo Chad, I know this is none of my business considering I don’t really know you, but why the fuck are you orange. It’s late October, bro.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.