I’m Definitely Way More Upset About Serena Williams Not Knowing How To Do Her Own Laundry Than I Should Be

by 3 years ago

I’ve met quite a few celebrities in my day, all to varying degrees of relatability. Some, like Mark Cuban, were very nice and down-to-earth. Others were kind of mean or disinterested in my opinion of them. One particular celebrity, who I will not name here because we talk about his show a lot, was actually a total dick and kept reminding me that he didn’t want to take a picture with me despite the fact that I never asked him for one.

That being said, none of them have pissed me off as much Serena Williams did today via her Snap story where she literally didn’t know how to do a fucking load of laundry.

Fuck me sideways with a frozen python. Are you kidding me? Listen, I’m not saying that Williams isn’t one of the greatest athletes to ever play the game, but this is just outlandish. How do you not know how to use a fucking washing machine? They’re literally built so anyone can wash them. Homeless people use them. A professional athlete should be able to do anything that a homeless person can do. Put that in writing. I’ll stand by that statement until the day the Devil comes to get me. Honestly, if you’re this bad at something, why aren’t you just paying someone to do it? I’m sure you normally do. You’re rich and pay people to do things for you, I don’t fault you for that. But don’t all of the sudden think you’re able to do these things alone. Otherwise, you’ll end up biting your way through a bag of detergent with a fucking zip-lock at the top.

Fuck you, Serena. What, you never opened a zip-lock bag before? Did you have other people open your lunch for you all through school? I mean, fuck me in the mouth with a meat cleaver, what use are you going to be to society once you stop playing tennis? Are you just going to sit in your house and have people do everything for you? I guess maybe you’ll raise America’s employment rate. But that’s about it. I hope your blanket is clean, Serena, because I literally never want to see you attempt any sort of domestic household task again. My blood pressure can’t take it.

[h/t SB Nation]

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