The Soccer Fan Who Lied About Terminal Cancer To Trick Players Into Meeting Her Is Nothing Short Of A Genius

Preston North End soccer fan Linda Moon, 34, had to fess up to lying about having incurable blood and bowel cancer in an effort to meet her favorite soccer stars after rumors started circulating around English radio and social media. And everyone’s PISSED.

Linda accepted free gifts consisting of signed shirts and memorabilia all under the pretense that she was dying soon, even going so far as to confessing to planning her funeral.

She was given shirts and signed memorabilia, all of which she has vowed to return in the wake of the scandal.

Linda suffers from Vascular Ehlers disease, a condition which affects her blood and skin, but is far from terminal.

She admitted to England’s Rock FM:

“When my condition came out, it came out as cancer, and it all just spiralled out of control. I have Vascular Ehlers disease which affects your blood and collagen which is what makes my stomach swell and hemorrhage. I should have corrected people but it had gone too far and I couldn’t get myself out of it. I thought I should set the record straight but I never did it – I feel horrible for what I have done.

All I can do is sincerely apologise from the bottom of my heart – it’s not a nice thing to do to people. I have seen things that people have said about me, but I understand why they are saying it. I have hurt and upset a lot of people. I would just like to say I am truly sorry for not saying it is not terminal cancer.”

Preston striker Kevin Davies took to Twitter to share his thoughts on the matter:

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“Precious time.” Dude, get over yourself. Ya, the lady fucked up. Told a little white lie because she loves you so much that she was willing to devise an intricate scheme just so you’d spend 8 minutes with her in a hospital room and write your name on a fucking t-shirt. I can’t imagine how difficult that must be for you to handle. You know how difficult it is to get a girl to be interested in seeing me? All you have to do is check my unanswered Tinder openers. And I’m offering a free meal, a few drinks, and an average-sizer wiener. 

And I’m not buying for a second that a soccer player simply cannot FATHOM someone faking an injury for her own gain. Fuck outta here. 

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*cough cough* *sniffle sniffle* I’m actually feeling a little under the weather. Gronk, you mind sending me over a signed jersey and a couple pornstars?  Ya, That would be greattt thanks.

[H/T Mirror UK]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.