It’s the biggest and best stoner holiday of the year, 4/20, meaning there’s a very good chance that you’re either reading this while already under the influence of a certain substance or planning on being under that same substance by the time you’re finished reading this.
Either way, one thing’s for sure—weed makes things better.
Look no further than some of our favorite athletes to show you that, as a few of them have been involved in some of the good, bad and ugliest stories when it comes to pot—so here are a few of our favorites to make you hysterically crack up.
6. Chris Perez Orders Weed For Delivery To His House… Addressed To His Dog’s Name
You have got to be kidding me with this, Chris Perez.
A two-time All-Star as a member of the Cleveland Indians, the former closer pretty much wasted his entire career because he did a bunch of questionable shit and turned into a raging dumbass.
One of his not-so-finest moments came when, in 2013, he not only was dumb enough to order a bunch of weed to his home address down in Florida, but he had the package addressed to his dog, Brody Braum. That’s not suspicious at all.
He got popped by the cops, charged with fourth-degree misdemeanor possession and continued to give stoners a bad reputation.
5. Michael Vick And His Secret Water Bottle Compartment
We all know about the whole dog-fighting thing that NFL quarterback Michael Vick was involved in a decade ago, but you guys do remember that the former No. 1 overall pick was doing really stupid shit on top of that, too, right?
While traveling from Miami International Airport in 2007, Vick reluctantly handed security a water bottle that, according to USA Today, “smelled like marijuana and contained a substance in a hidden compartment.”
Hiding weed is necessary, at times, just not while you’re getting ready to BOARD A FUCKING AIRPLANE! Lucky for Vick, he didn’t get busted with any wrongdoing.
4. Ricky Williams Chooses Bongs Over Football
Until the day I die, Ricky Williams’ decision to leave the NFL in favor of smoking pot will always be one of my favorite athlete stories.
At the time, Williams was, arguably, the best running back in the league, putting up four-straight 1,000-yard seasons and leading the NFL in rushing yards in 2003.
And while Ricky played the PR card and said he called it quits because of the Miami Dolphins’ poor quarterback play, there’s not enough weed on the planet for people to smoke to get high enough to believe that.
Hell, he’s even talked about how smoking pot during his career helped ease the physical pain, saying:
“One of the ways I took care of myself was using cannabis,” Williams said in February at an NFL panel at the 2016 High Times SoCal Medical Cannabis Cup, according to CBS Sports. “I’d go see the doctor, he’d wiggle my knee around and say here and give me some anti-inflammatories, some pain pills, and say, ‘Just try to rest.’ That’s it. I think there’s a better way.”
Still a major supporter of pot today, clearly, Ricky has said that smoking pot while in the NFL was, “like spinach for popeye,” which is a fucking hilarious comparison.
3. Bernie Carbo Trades Baseballs For The Sticky Icky Stuff
Easily one of the biggest stoners in MLB history, former designated hitter Bernie Carbo sure had some wild times while playing back in the way-too-free ’70s.
Often traveling with a giant stuffed gorilla named Mighty Joe Young, it was pretty clear that people questioned his extracurricular activities. That might be the reason why, in 1978, the Boston Red Sox hired a private detective to find proof of his weed use.
So, what’d they dig up on Carbo?
Oh, you know, just him throwing baseballs to fans into the stands in exchange for baggies of pot—on the very first day that the private detective came around.
2. Nate Newton Gets Busted With 175 Pounds Of Weed
So. Fucking. Dumb.
That’s about the easiest way to describe what happened to former NFL offensive lineman Nate Newton, because the guy just couldn’t learn his lesson when it came to handling pot.
Not only was the three-time Super Bowl champ busted with 175 pounds of pot in his truck in December, 2001, but that arrest came a month after Newton was caught with 213 pounds of the sticky icky.
The dude was trying to transport nearly 400 pounds of weed in a matter of just 40 days, which adds up to some serious green—but, unfortunately for Newton, a bunch of prison time.
1. The College Football Players Who Used Pot Before Games
Wait, college kids smoke weed? Who would have ever thunk it?
That’s not to say people like to hear that student-athletes enjoying puffin’ the cheeba, which is why so many people got all stanky following an ESPN report about Oregon Ducks football players doing just that.
Maybe it was the fact that the anonymous players talked about how they’d smoke a joint prior to playing in games? Yeah, that might have something to do with it.
One Ducks player talked about how smoking pot together was, “a team thing. Like video games,” which is just about the biggest dick slap in the face to the NCAA that a college athlete can say.
And smoking pot has sort of become an unwritten rule for Ducks’ football players over the past few decades, per ESPN:
Several Ducks reference a “code” followed by teammates who handle weed-related matters in-house on a case-to-case basis. “Some guys who use marijuana go out and ball because they’re relaxed,” says former QB Akili Smith, “but if it affects his play, you sit him down and tell him, ‘Yo, it’s not for you.’?” Today, that code still stands. “If you’re not hurting the team, everyone’s cool with it,” says a current Ducks player.
Maybe this is why the team wears so many funky colored unis? Just a hunch.