Troy Aikman’s Eyes Looked High As Giraffe Balls During The Cowboys Vs. Packers Game And NFL Twitter Took Notice

by 10 months ago

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During the Cowboys/Packers game on Sunday, Troy Aikman either just watched one of those Sarah McLachlan abandoned dog commercials, slept on a pillow that Bob Costas farted on, or he was higher than a hippie in a hot air balloon.

I’m going to go out on a limb and choose option C because they say one of the symptoms of the devil’s lettuce is memory loss, and Troy is just days removed from forgetting Cooper Kupp’s dad was his backup on the Cowboys in ’91.

The FOX Sports announcer and legendary Cowboys QB looked how I look every year I tell my parents I’m going for a ‘walk’ with my cousins 20 minutes before the turkey comes out of the oven on Thanksgiving.

I wonder who his dealer is. Stupid question. Michael Irvin.

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Tell ’em Stephen A.!

Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.

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