Local Cleveland News Station Is On A Pathetically Hilarious Mission To Get Johnny Manziel To Answer His Doorbell
Where in the WORLD is Johnny Manziel??? That’s the burning question for WEWS, a local ABC news affiliate in Cleveland that really, reeeeeeeeally wants Johnny Manziel to answer his front door.
With expert station sleuths Megan Hickey and Kristin Volk on the case, answers were sought far and wide, and the unintentional comedic value was top notch.
First, Hickey took to the streets of Akron to ask random people if they knew where Johnny Manziel was or if they had seen him.
Surprisingly, this guy had no god damn clue where Johnny Manziel was.
This woman also had no game-changing intel as to Johnny’s whereabouts, but she did make a “Where’s Waldo” joke. This thing is going places. Fast.
But then there was charismatic and quite opinionated neighbor, Mitch Gannon, who snootily offered the following:
“He’s hiding. And trying to be in disguise, because he knows he shouldn’t be doing what he’s doing.”
Case, cracked. But it didn’t end with the deep analysis of the great Mitch Gannon. No sirree. Hickey courageously trucked forward and headed over to Manziel’s house where she rang the doorbell.
No dice. Johnny’s “on the phone” which is clearly code for “get the fuck out of here.”
Then Hickey called him and left a voicemail. Shockingly, still no luck. So they let the unflappable Kristin Volk take the baton the following day.
Now please, just WATCH this abomination.
“When we went up to his door here again today, we heard voices inside, guy’s voices. But as soon as I knocked, they stopped talking and they got silent.”
Also, Volk knocked on the door three times and rang the doorbell too, just like her buddy Megan. Then she left him a voicemail, sent him a text, contacted his agent, and called his marketing firm — the one that let him go yesterday.
It’s worth noting that the news crew planted themsevles outside Johnny’s house for four hours waiting for someone to answer the door.
And it’s also worth noting that every single reporter at this Cleveland news station speaks in the same cliched tones as Tricia Takanawa from Family Guy.
With that, this concludes the dumbest fucking manhunt of all time.