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THE HEADLINES

 

CAN I KICK IT?

Nike is making its way into the subscription business. But grown-ass sneakerheads need not get their panties in a bunch …

The company announced a sub-service for children’s sneakers. The Nike Adventure Club will offer shoes for kids 2 to 10 years old on a quarterly, bimonthly or monthly basis and will cost $20, $30 or $50, respectively.

Dave Cobban, the GM of the new Nike Adventure Club says that the company is excited about building relationships with 2-year-olds. Poor choice of words, Dave.

Cobban is hopeful that Club members “will remember us and feel strongly toward the brand.” That, or they’ll resent the brand for convincing their stupid parents to spend their college savings on fresh kicks that they wore before they could wipe their own ass.

Sizing you up

Other companies like American Eagle and Urban Outfitters have tested subscription models … but Nike’s actually makes sense. Kids go through 3 to 4 pairs of shoes a year and the home delivery will save parents time.

The main concern is if the shoes will actually fit snot-nosed kids. Without some teenager in a referee’s jersey at Foot Locker telling children to wiggle their toes, how can people know if the shoe really fits? Luckily for parents, the shoes come with a return option, plus Nike will replace the pair immediately.

Back to school

The launch comes just as back to school shopping ramps up. Nike’s kids business has grown 11% since this time last year and has become one of the companies fastest-growing categories.

Sneakily, Nike had been testing the service on Facebook in its “Easy Kicks” group that boasts some 10k members. Via its market research, the company has designed a program it thinks will best serve parents needs in the broader market.

 

*WATCHES ‘THE WOLF OF WALL STREET’ ONCE*

Murray Hill was shaken to its core yesterday. One of its own (… presumably) was taken down by the SEC in what we can only imagine is a scene straight out of ‘Wall Street.’

Bill Tsai, a 23-year-old first-year analyst at RBC Capital Markets was charged with insider trading mostly because he is a complete f*cking moron.

You’re gonna go far, kid!

On the surface, Billy Size Mover was the kinda kid even Lori Loughlin could be proud of. He had graduated from NYU Stern in 2018 where he was the student body president. Read: he was a dweeb.

Mr. Tsai had this to say about his time as Commander in Chief of the NYU student body: “you have to be very aware that a spotlight is on you, and conduct yourself accordingly.” Apparently, the perp adheres to the adage “do as I say, not as I do.”

So he must be rolling in it, right?

Not quite. The trade that got Dollar Bill in trouble with the windbreakers netted him just under $100k. He used insider knowledge of the impending buyout of Electronics for Imaging.

Tsai-guy purchased call options for roughly $30k that paid out close to $130k when the deal closed.

As is standard practice in the banking industry, Tsai was required to disclose any trades to Karen from compliance. For the record, this trade would not have gotten approval. That’s why Tsai kept a “secret” brokerage account to make plays on insider tips.

The SEC is seeking repayment of profits, civil penalties … and probably a lifetime ban from the securities industry. Of course, he’ll be welcome with open arms at Wells Fargo.

 

DEAD WEIGHT

Verizon is cutting its losses and sending its Tumblr talents to WordPress in a deal worth (much) less than the $1B the company was purchased for in 2013. Automattic, the company behind WordPress, will also take on more than 200 Tumblr staffers.

Verizon acquired Tumblr back in 2017 when it purchased Yahoo! in an, albeit pathetic, effort to build its media and advertising business. Yahoo bought Tumblr for $1.1B back in 2013 when it appeared to be the next big social platform or at least the one that you could post weird anime gifs on in an effort to build a dedicated following of angst-blogging teens.

Shortly after the acquisition, in 2016, Yahoo wrote down Tumblr’s value by $230M. By 2019, Verizon was looking for suitors to get rid of the official site of Sad Boi Summer.

So, now what?

Verizon is in the process of updating its media group in an effort to meet revenue targets which it’s missed in recent years. That media group is home to Yahoo and AOL’s web properties such as HuffPost, and TechCrunch. Verizon really went full send on the nostalgia play.

 

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IN OTHER NEWS

• GM and Volkswagen are drawing a line in the sand. Both manufacturers have announced that they’d be ditching hybrids and investing only in fully electric cars moving forward. GM will launch 20 fully electric models globally within the next four years, while VW is putting billions towards making more battery-operated models, including an electric version of its iconic minibus in 2022.

 

• Greg Creed, current CEO of Yum! Brands and the man who gifted stoners everywhere with the Doritos Locos taco, is leaving the company. Creed will be retiring after 25 years, four of which he’s served as the company’s CEO. Replacing Creed will be David Gibbs, who will take over effective January 1. In November, Gibbs will also be appointed to the company’s board.

 

• Heyward Donigan has been named CEO of Rite Aid as part of the firm’s restructuring. Donigan was formerly the CEO of Sapphire Digital, a website for analyzing health-care plans. Rite Aid’s restructuring plan began in March, and has claimed the jobs of more than 400 corporate employees. It’s also expected to save the company more than $55M per year. So it’s not all bad, depending on whether or not you were fired.

 

• The hedge fund formerly known as Och-Ziff is changing its name. After the departure of namesake founder Dan Och, and ongoing legal troubles leading to a mass exodus of major investors, the firm decided it was time to rebrand as Sculptor. Investors have withdrawn more than $27B since the company was targeted in a massive bribery investigation in Africa, for which it paid out more than $400M in settlements. Sculptor is still a better name than Tronc … so there’s that. 

 

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