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THE HEADLINES
Estimated Read Time: 3 minutes and 47 seconds
TARGET CURBSIDE TO-GO
Just when soccer moms in the southeast US thought life couldn’t get any better, Target announced that 270 stores will offer drive-up service. Simply select the ‘drive-up’ option in the app and let Target know when you’re on your way.
Within two minutes of arriving at the store they’ll have your car (read: minivan) loaded up. What a time to be alive.
Target has introduced a slew of other improvements as of late to make life easier (and compete with Amazon). Their next day delivery service Restock will be available in eleven cities and on Monday Big Red announced that they’ll launch same-day delivery in five cities. Check your rearview mirror @JeffBezos.
Water Cooler Talking Point: “People who call Target, Tar-jay, haven’t been this excited since the local high school football team made States. Also, anyone who utters the word Tar-jay should not be allowed to reproduce.”
TAXES, AMIRITE?
This year the late night talk show tax day jokes pretty much wrote themselves. The IRS was forced to give taxpayers an extra day to file after the IRS “Direct Pay” functionality crashed.
The option to pay electronically via bank account as well as the functionality to set up a payment plan was offline for most of the busiest tax day of the year. Of course, these Luddites could have paid via check …
For what it’s worth (read: nothing), the IRS “appreciates” everyone’s patience.
H&R Block, TurboTax, and your local CPA who stands on the side of a busy road with a sandwich board pitching his services were affected as well.
Water Cooler Talking Point: “If you’ve ever been at the post office on tax day you know what hell on earth is. Think: DMV meets post-apocalyptic, Mad Max scenario. Only the strong will survive.”
I’VE GOT A HOUSE TO SELL YOU
Zillow is looking to change the way people buy and sell homes. The go-to site for people to gawk at homes they can’t afford announced that it will offer functionality to buy and sell homes directly through its platform.
Zillow’s new feature will be known as “Instant Offers” and roll out in Phoenix and Las Vegas. The program has been in a test phase since mid-2017. Those looking to sell homes will be able to land an immediate cash offer from Zillow, who will then turn around, renovate, and resell the home in 90 days or less.
Sellers will get a Competitive Market Analysis from Zillow, before determining whether or not they take the deal or test the free market. It’s basically the plot line to every HGTV show. For the brokerage portion of the program, Zillow will be partnering with well-known firms like Berkshire Hathaway and Coldwell Banker.
Water Cooler Talking Point: “As someone who doesn’t do well with delayed gratification, this feels like a great compromise. I get to sell my house immediately, and you get to con me out of tens of thousands of dollars that I could have made with a good real estate agent.”
IN OTHER NEWS
- Isaac Larian, the billionaire creator of Bratz dolls, had his last-ditch effort to buy Toys ‘R’ Us rejected by lawyers and advisers of the defunct toymaker. RIP Geoffrey, the one true King of the Toys.
- Federal Communications Commission Commissioner Mignon Clyburn announced her retirement yesterday. Mignon was a fierce advocate of net neutrality.
- Drift, a conversational marketing platform raises $60M as it aims to be the “Amazon for business.” Let’s wait to crack the 9 figure mark before we start making any bold statements …
- Goldman Sachs announced its best trading quarter in 3 years. As if Lloyd needed to pad his retirement package any more.
- The NY Attorney General’s office sent notices to 13 crypto exchanges requesting additional insight into their operations. Somebody clearly bought Bitcoin at its peak.
- US indices were up yesterday:
- DOW: +0.87%
- S&P 500: +1.07%
- NASDAQ: +1.74%