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THE HEADLINES

 

THANKS FOR PLAYING

Uber is going to IPO. And soon.

The ride-hailing behemoth announced that it is seeking a $100B valuation when it enters the public market. Seem like a lot? Consider that it is significantly lower than the original $120B valuation expected by Goldman and Morgan Stanley who are leading the deal.

A price target has been set between $48 and $55 per share, compared to Lyft’s $72, and the company expects to raise $10B in capital via the offering.

The initial excitement and post-IPO flop of its pink-mustached competitor likely caused Uber to price its IPO more conservatively. Apparently, investors have grown wary of companies that are hemorrhaging money quicker than Jordan Belfort in a champagne room. And Uber has proven very gifted at burning cash, losing $3.3B in 2018, 3x more than Lyft.

The ride-hailing OG’s roadshow is set to begin at the end of the month and if it’s anything like Lyft’s there will be a lot of investors looking to kick the tires. An official IPO announcement may come as soon as today.

And it appears that the mere mention of Uber coming to market was bad news for Lyft. Its shares were down almost 11%, to $60.12, on Wednesday. Woof.

 

FUN POLICE

Just days after announcing that it refused to be the official vest of finance bros, Patagonia is back in the news for raining on yet another parade. The crunchy outfitter has filed a suit against AB InBev which alleges that the Budweiser parent is encroaching on Patagonia’s turf by releasing a beer called “Patagonia,” with a mountain range logo that’s just a little too familiar.

Fun fact …

AB InBev filed for a trademark on its Patagonia brand back in 2012, but waited until 2018 to actually release anything under the name. The clothier argues that the patent never should have been granted in the first place, and is especially peeved by the idea that AB InBev has been handing out branded merch at ski resorts across the Western US.

Not to mention that Patagonia already brews its own beer, which it began selling in 2016.  Patagonia carries its sustainability efforts over into its Provisions Long Root beer, using Kernza, a regenerative grain … which is probably the reason you’ve never gotten white girl wasted off of it.

Between this, and their dustup with MillerCoors last month, AB InBev’s general counsel has been working overtime lately.

 

A TRADITION UNLIKE ANY OTHER

Here’s a fun game to play: “What is whiter? The gallery at The Masters or the pool of candidates for Wall Street CEO jobs?”

Representative Al Green of the House Financial Services Committee put on a clinic in pattern recognition by pointing out that not one of the Wall Street CEOs sitting in front of him was white or a woman.

CEOs representing seven of the largest US banks were on the hot seat Wednesday, answering lawmaker’s questions on a slew of contentious subjects, including their homogeneity. This was the first time since the financial crisis that the smartest guys in the room occupied the same space.

Topics included …

• Whether or not banks are better positioned than they were in the lead up to the financial crisis. Jamie Dimon reassured the committee: “Post-crisis reforms have made banks much safer and sounder in three important areas: capital, liquidity and resolution and recovery.”
• Ties to gun manufacturers
• Executive pay and income inequality. Mike Corbat, CEO of Citi, had this to say when questioned about being in the average employee’s shoes and knowing how much the CEO makes: “I would be hopeful that there’s opportunities to continue to advance within the firm.”
• Banks and bankers continuing to engage in illegal activity (CC: Wells Fargo). Maxine Waters accused banks of being “too big to care about the harm they have caused.”
• Russian money laundering and the bank’s role in facilitating it. Most of the firms denied wrongdoing while Mike Corbat of Citi declined to comment.

So what came out of it?

Besides a few quotable soundbites, not a whole lot, if we’re being totally honest. The six hours of questioning amounted to little more than a tongue lashing.

If nothing else, the Washington summit did force David Solomon and Brian Moniyhan to take Amtrak in an attempt to look “almost human.” Plus we got Lloyd Blankfein, the former CEO of Goldman tweeting out this gem.

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IN OTHER NEWS

• Hold up, wait a minute. The Fed just dropped its March meeting minutes revealing that rates are likely to remain steady for the rest of the year, citing a cooling global economy. Just not quite cool enough to cut rates. This decision to not cut rates has received some (read: a sh*t ton) criticism from the President.

 

• Trick or treat. Leaders from the EU and UK have extended the Brexit deadline until October 31st. The additional six months is meant to allow the two groups to find the ‘best possible solution.’ Of course, that is what the UK has been trying to do for the past two years.

 

• Steven Mnuchin reported that the US and China have agreed on enforcement mechanisms for a forthcoming trade deal. The Treasury Secretary indicated that both sides will establish enforcement offices but was quick to change the subject (“Hey, look over there! *runs away*) when pressed on if tariffs will be used as an enforcement tool.

 

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