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THE HEADLINES
Estimated Read Time: 3 minutes and 15 seconds
“INSIDER TRADING? JUST JOKING.”
Jun Ying, a former Equifax executive, was charged with insider trading by the SEC for selling company stock right before sh*t hit the fan. You might remember that roughly half the US population’s identities were stolen in the breach.
The not-so-smooth white collar criminal dumped his stock 9 days before Equifax made the massive breach public, making a cool $1M for his efforts and sparing himself losses of over $100k.
Ying wasn’t the only executive selling off, but he was the only executive to be charged. An internal investigation noted that 3 other big-wigs sold stock ahead of the news going public, but only Ying’s sale was based on “insider knowledge.” He must not have worn pink on Wednesdays.
While Equifax has not technically been charged or fined by government agencies, it currently faces more than 240 class-action lawsuits and more than 60 regulatory and government inquiries.
Water Cooler Talking Point: “Having been one of the millions of people who had their identities stolen, I was thrilled for justice to have been served. Tonight I’ll peacefully drift to sleep dreaming of one day walking past a homeless Jun Ying.”
BLEED YOUR HEART OUT
It wasn’t a good day to be a disgraced corporate villain. Elizabeth Holmes, the infamous founder of Theranos, who treats every day like its Halloween and the only costume she owns is “Steve Jobs,” was charged with fraud by the SEC.
Holmes and her chief deputy raised $700M on the promise of single-drop blood testing. The issue? Their “flux capacitor” for blood testing didn’t exist. They were simply retooling current technology to conduct the tests.
But wait, there’s more …
Pitch decks claimed $100M in revenue in 2014 when the actual figure was closer to $100k. Rounding error? They even pulled the “American hero” card, claiming their technology had been used by the US military on the battlefield in Afghanistan.
Their technology caught the attention of Walgreens and attracted high profile advisors including Henry Kissinger and James Mattis. But things began to unravel when the company was forced to recall tens of thousands of tests.
Yesterday’s decision will force Holmes to give up control of the company and pay a $500k fine.
Water Cooler Talking Point: “Listen, I’m a proponent of fake it til you make it but once you start lying about helping America win wars, you’ve crossed the line. Not cool, Elizabeth, not cool at all.”
I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW
What do you get when you combine decent quality products, an affordable price, the ability to order online and the option to try on at home? That’s right, a $75M dollar investment from T.Rowe Price and a $1.75B valuation.
At least, that’s what’s happening for Warby Parker. The online seller of $95 lenses and frames just closed another funding round that all but secures the company’s ability to go public in the near future. The company announced that it will have positive EBITDA for the first time since it made the “Harry Potter” look cool in 2010.
Under the guidance of a revamped board that includes its first female members, the new funds will be used to help roll out the company’s Prescription Check app. The service allows users to forego the eye-doctor and get their prescription online, through the app. How do you like them apples, LensCrafters?! [INSERT WARBY PARKER’S LEGAL JARGON ADVISING GENERAL EYE EXAMS WITH A CERTIFIED OPTOMETRIST].
Water Cooler Talking Point: “I’m a big fan of Warby Parker. It’s covered by my insurance, in-store employees appear to have more of a will to live than LensCrafters’ staffers, and having a pair is pretty much a requirement if you live in Brooklyn.”
IN OTHER NEWS
- Walmart will expand its grocery home delivery services from 6 cities to 100 by the end of 2018. Of course, skeptics fear that they will miss out on that feeling you can only get from stepping foot inside a Walmart store. You know, that “maybe I’m not doing so bad after all” feeling.
- Donald Trump named Larry Kudlow, an economist, and CNBC contributor, as his senior economic advisor. If nothing else, the Mad Money soundboard will make for some entertaining hijinx in the West Wing.
- Adidas sold 1M shoes made of ocean plastic in 2017. The shoes were created as part of a partnership with Parley for the Oceans. To the company’s knowledge, no shoes have contained messages from marooned sailors.
- Things aren’t looking great for bitcoin, whose recent 10% loss increased its freefall to 40% for the year.
- Ford is recalling 1.4M vehicles because the steering wheel can come loose. Our NASCAR insiders confirm that this isn’t very safe.
- Google is banning the sale of ads for cryptocurrency and related products. The ban takes effect in June. You’re not the only one that’s tired of hearing about bitcoin, apparently.
- US indices were down yesterday:
- DOW: -1.00%
- S&P 500: -0.57%
- NASDAQ: -0.19%
TALKING SHOP
Professional motivation, tips, tricks, hacks & resources carefully-curated by yours truly. Something you’d like to see featured? Shoot me an email at team@thewatercoolest.com
RE: CRYING AT WORK
Dane Cook (yes, that Dane Cook) said it best: “There are those times when you need to cry, I’m talking about when you need to open up your soul and have a weep-a-thon.”
Its ok to cry. In fact, it’s much more healthy than burying negativity and sadness somewhere in the depths of your soul.
And while the office might not seem like the ideal place to go all Evelyn in “A League of their Own,” it’s totally acceptable in certain circumstances. Spoiler: the list includes more than “when you find out you got laid off.”
Unsolicited Advice: “If you’re a tough guy who claims he hasn’t cried since ‘Nam, get over yourself. While I don’t condone daily sob-fests in your cubicle, there’s nothing wrong with letting loose in the comfort of your home or your shrink’s office. If Tony Soprano can do it, so can you.”